Afro Sexual Wisdom

#TouchUrself: HOLAA’s Guide To Masturbation

‘Masturbation is sex with the one person you must love your whole life.’- Getting Off A woman’s guide to masturbation by Jamye Waxman

This is some good advice. And very true.

You can’t love others until you know how to love yourself. Truth is the same goes for sex. You can’t sex others until you know how to sex yourself.

Now take a good look at yourself. Take a look at that gorgeous body. Now drop it down low.

Kidding, don’t do that. That was just a little something for me. And this is not about me, this is not about anyone but you.

Knowing what makes you come is the most powerful thing you can do sexually. Better than any kegels, squats, weights, crunches or press ups. It is more powerful than any tricks you can google or other guides that we can give you on keeping it kinky.

Knowing what gives you pleasure makes you an awesome love.

Now it is important to remember that there is no one way to do this. Even researchers (yes research has been done on this) have found that no two women masturbate the same.

So here is a little guide on how to masturbate. Settle in, this is not a ‘wham bam thank you mam’. It will take time, it will get wet and it may get a little wild.

So wash your hands, dim the lights, pour a drink if you want and lay back, get a little lube if you need it. HOLAA is going to give you a little TLC wisdom.

Let us begin.

1. Know thy vagina: This is an important rule for this whole touching yourself thing. You need to know the parts, how they work and where they are. Once you do that, you can touch them properly, you will know which ones you like touched and which ones can be left alone. So google that ish if you have to, just know.

To give a brief overview there is the mound (mons veneris) the inner lips (labia minora), the outer lips (labia majora), the clitoris (which have the glans, the shaft, the legs (crura).

Part of the clitoris cast includes the vestibular bulb (clit bulbs) which lie just under the outer lips.

ALSO the clitoris is the only human organ designed purely for pleasure. So knowing what it does is important.

There is also the fourchette which is the meeting place at the bottom of the inner lips. For some women a light touch to this part is enough to get them turned on.

As you can see there are so many places to touch, and these are not even all of them. Learn the vagina.

Know your other pleasure spots in the vagina. There are so many places other than your vagina that can make you moan. Find them.

Fact: vulva refers to the entire external package of female genetalia is actually NOT called the vagina as people think.

2. Hitting the G Spot: We have always heard about the elusive G Spot. Some people think it is a myth, or a fairy-tale.

It is not.

Let us break down how to hit that spot.

When you are feeling all hot and sexy you can feel your urethral sponge, the G spot is located there. You can feel this sponge by putting a finger or two inside your vag and pressing towards your belly button.

The G Spot can feel really sensitive to touch and make you feel like you are about to pee. Put a little pressure when you go there because you are working through a wall of muscle.

NB: Do not go into the urethra to find it! Bacteria is real. And nasty.

Now the actual steps on how to hit that G Spot.

2.1 Go to the bathroom before it all kicks off. Especially if you are scared you might pee.

2.2 Lie on your back, legs spread. *ahhhhh such delicious moments these.*

2.3 Turn yourself on by thinking what you need to think and touching your clit, mound and lips.

2.4 When you are gready (good + ready) insert one or two fingers inside you about to knuckles deep.

2.5 curl the fingers in a ‘come here’ motion (you know that sexy we are talking about that crawl under these sheets finger curl).

2.6 Feel around for an area around the size of a coin that is kind of bumpy and lumpy.

2.7 Apply some pressure and stroke the area to increase sensation.

2.8 Stroke until you can’t stand how damn good it feels.

Fact: The vagina is about three to four inches in its non-aroused state but expands to six or seven inches when you feeling that wet wet. When aroused, you literally create space within yourself.

Now that is just a flash guide to hitting the g spot. Onwards we go. Best not to forget

3. Do not forget the other freak-a-leek spots like the anus and the perineum: Now the first part of this lesson is general knowledge for example what is the perineum? This is that area between your vulva (vagina) and your anus.

That smooth skin that links the two. There is tissue under this skin that can be stroked when the time is ready.

We all know about the anus but we are all a little shy of it. This shouldn’t be the case. It is another entryway to stimulate the G Spot as well as the vagina.

The wall between your ass and pussy is thin and inserting something in there where masturbating can make for some serious fireworks.

Note: Anal penetration requires lubrication and relaxation. There are two bum muscles one we have control over and one we have no control over. The one we have no control over needs a finger or a toy to help loosen it up.

4. Working out your vagina: Kegel exercises: The sexy vagina muscles that you can feel when you squeeze and let go are called the pubococcygeus muscle. Oh you do not know where it is?

Let us tell you how to find it.

Sit down on the toilet. Start to pee. Stop yourself peeing.

Start.

Stop.

Start.

Stop.

Feel those muscles letting the pee out and then stopping it again, those are the pubococcygeus muscles.

Now stop doing this…it is not good for you to do even though it helps you figure out where these muscles are.

So exercising these muscles will help keep your pelvic floor strong which stop you peeing when you laugh, getting uterine prolapse (when your uterus slides into your vaginal cavity) or having a loose vagina after pregnancy.

Doing these exercises will help give better orgasms as well.

So while you are sitting around at work, or watching series or sitting with friends do the exercises. Squeeze and release. Start by holding for three seconds, either every day or three to four times a week.

If you feel you are clenching your ass muscles at the same time it’s OK, just practice on the toilet again till you get a handle of it. With practice these muscles will get buff.

Doing these exercises will help give better orgasms as well.

4.1 Squirting: The beautiful act of female ejaculation

We must kick off by saying that it is OK NOT TO SQUIRT. Or not want to squirt. It really is. It won’t necessarily make the orgasms better or make you a better lover.

It is just a nice thing to have happen.

Now female cum is usually clear and generally unscented. Most women ejaculate even if it is just a little something something on the sheets.

So the question is if you want to ejaculate how do you do it?

It’s like finding your G-Spot: Lay back and open your legs. Try and have an orgasm before you try squirting which will mean you aren’t too focused on coming. Once this happens, you are less sensitive, so now you move past the G-Spot area (see above to find out how to find the G-spot or click here).

This area is past the g spot on the same ‘wall’ towards the stomach. When you touch this area (move your finger back and forth and round and round) you will feel like you have to pee. Keep playing in this area until you feel you need to let it go.

At some point best to start clenching those kegel muscles (pubococcygeus muscle) and playing with your clit if that’s how you like it.

It may take a few tries before you feel like you want come so just be easy, be patient and just wait on it.

Take your time.

When it eventually happens and you feel like you are ready to come your vagina will push out your finger or whatever you are using to pleasure yourself and boom chakalaka, you ejaculate.

It’s intense and about holding on so just keep at it.

5. Let’s get it on and popping: The steps of masturbation: There are so many different ways to masturbate. It’s not just like in the movies where you are wearing sexy underwear and slip one hand…

Well, you get it.

Masturbation is all about what works for you, what your particular flavour is. So time to stop and think, what gets you hot and bothered?

This is all about you. So it is important to make sure that it all comes together.

Set the mood: The feeling in the room will really effect how you touch yourself. You need it to be comfortable so make sure that you have everything you want. Do you like house music, jazz, hip hop, Lingala? Then play that in the background.

Do you not want the lights on? Then switch them off. Do you want silence in bright lights? Do it.

Explore your body, spend some time checking out the gorgeous being that you are. Explore all the parts that are smooth, soft, hard. Your breasts, arms, legs, thighs. All the good bits. Hell, they are all good bits.

It will help you also begin to figure out what parts are sensitive and what parts feel good.

BRING THE NOISE.

Seriously. Be loud. Moan, scream, growl. Say dirty things, speak your fantasies out loud. It’s OK if your own moaning turns you on because we are pretty sure it is hot.

Also playing music or having sound in the background will help you relax out of the fear that someone is listening. Thinking that someone is eavesdropping on your private moment can make you feel tense.

Note: The key is to be comfortable.

Some beginner basics:

5.1 Try using the tips of your fingers or the palm of your hand. Get the coochie a little damp with a little lube or some spit to whatever you are using to touch yourself and rub up and down and side to side. Wetness, either from lube or natural, will make this a smoother ride.

5.2 Let’s get fingers involved. Two three or four of them, use them to stroke within your inner lips like you would do with a paint brush. Nice even strokes. And…

Up

and…

Down.

The tick here is to stroke as much as you can and try and avoid the clit.

5.3 Using one or two fingers rub around your clit making sure to hit to the right and left of the clitoris head.

5.4 Try ‘writing’. Using your fingers trace letters in the now (hopefully) wet area. Or even whole words. The number 8 is a good one because it really covers a good amount of sexy space.

5.5 When you are turned on (or even on the verge of coming) try tapping your clit with the tips of your fingers. Don’t mind if it feels like you are being strange it can feel amazing at just the right moment. There is also the option to spread the lips and pull the hood back while you do this.

5.6 You can also pull the lips apart with two fingers and use a third one to tickle the clitoral area. Yep this could take some coordination but it is worth it. Once in a while you can also just slip a finger inside. It feels good and adds a little extra moisture.

5.7 If it’s what you like you can slip in some penetration at this moment.

Now remember you can do this in different ways. You can lie on your back, your stomach, your side. Damn, you can stand if you want to. Just hold onto something solid OK?

So these are just a few tips tricks and facts to start you down that path to self-pleasure.

All we want is for you to feel good, now go get comfortable and get to coming.

Love you lots,

HOLAA!

For more sex advice from HOLAA check out this piece on turning that Kitty’s purr into a roar and How to Eat Pussy Like a Champ.

For advice on safe sex for women who have sex with women check out this post. There is also this post about different types or orgasms you should know about.

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To submit to HOLAA! email submissions@holaafrica.org