Politics & Lifestyle

Thinking Beyond Sexual Identity pt II: I am a Lesbian

By Mammu / @mammumay

This is part two read part one here.
What type are you?

Recently on an online thread we were discussing the idea of identifying as a stud or a femme, with persons being invited to state which they identify as.

‘Well, if you are a femme say hey and if you are a stud say what’s up. What of those of us who are none of them or both?’ I asked.

In response to this someone came at me ‘ say hello and we definitely know you are a straight bitch.’ At this point my demons were awakened.

Who is this who has no idea something like that exists? She tried to tell me that I was confused and I have no idea where I fell because I would not adhere to any of those two labels.  I tried to remain calm and told myself “yoh girl, she is not aware, she knows nothing about labels, she should read. Tell them demons to go back to bed.”
And I started listing the labels in my head in order to explore if I was truly wrong in this instance. At that moment in time I also wished we would stop being ignorant of our sexual identities and get something about labels. That is how we have divisions within the community, because we have set standards of what we should be or not be.
These are the categories of lesbian that I have identified. I may be wrong so feel free to correct me if necessary.
1.Butch
She takes on the very dominant role in relationships, what some would see as a ‘male role. She dresses like a man and acts like a man. There is little that is societally feminine about her to the extent you can argue she is sometimes more of a man than some men. In bed there is a type who will only make love to their women and are termed ‘Touch Me Nots’. In this case she will not want women to touch her breasts, or her vagina, or go down on her or provide any type of pleasure. She always wants to do it all. But there are some butch women who do not mind being pleasured too.

2. Stud (aka totally tomboy)
She also takes on the dominant role in the relationship. She does not mind her femme touching her body ,giving head etc. She likes the pleasure however she is the dominant party in bed. She can sometimes dress very masculine or she can be androgynous.

There are also subsets of studs.

2.1 Pseudo studs aka the ‘I wish I was hard’ stud: This is the terms that use for them. This is a woman who is hard on the street, and around her ‘boyz’ and femmes that she is not dating. When she goes home to her femme, she drops the act. Her girl takes control and may dominate her in bed. You may wonder who the femme is at times. This one may have attractions to butches and studs too.

3. Femmes
She is the ‘all-woman’ feminine lesbian. Within this there are some variations:

3.1. Pillow princess: The type that usually gets with a ‘touch me not’ butch/stud. She is also used to being taken care of by her butch. She will not give her women head (because either she may not know how to, or never has heard to learn how). She would treat her butch like a woman would treat her man.
3.2. Dominant femme/aggressive femme: She will dress and act totally feminine. She will however be very dominant. She will only date feminine women and will usually take on the dominant role in sex. And they occasionally do the fake butch thing. (Just so you know, this the category I fall into).

4. ‘Fake Tommy:. She is usually a femme who wants to attract other femmes by dressing like a butch/stud/tommy. She will try to act hard but her heart is not just for it. When they get into a relationship they cannot keep acting so they ‘femme out’. This type of woman can be seen as a versatile stud, ”the lost somewhere in between” stud. She constantly keeps the masses guessing, is she a stud? is she femme? She likes what is pleasing to her eyes. She will dress femme in the morning and be butch in the evening just because she can.

5. Stem
She is a femme-stud and can be dominant in certain cases. She has no problem rocking a short tight hairdo that would make a femme jealous, or she could wear it long. She will usually wear baggy clothes and dress in a boy-like manner but she will do the femme thing occasionally. She can dress in a flashy dress and loafers and is all ‘boy’ in her thinking. She is so fly that even men are drawn to her charms, even though she is very obviously gay.

6. Bisexual women
True bisexual. She is the woman who can form meaningful relationships with both sexes. When she is with a woman, she is with her, and she totally fits into they gay world with no problems. When she is with a man, she is with him, and fits in the straight world too. She is not confused , she just falls in love with a person not their gender.

6.1 Fake bisexual/ Trisexual women: This is the type that most of us hate to deal with. This is the type that is not really bisexual, she is just having sex with a woman for the ”freak factor” She is all about ”being freaky” and usually has a boyfriend who she would want to join in on the fun.  These are the kinds who put on their page ”I already got a man, just looking for a feminine female friend” so men don’t respond. They have sex with women to please their man.

The conversation online did bring to my mind the spectrum of sexualities out there, even this list is not exhaustive. There are so many variations and so many ways to be and so many ways to perform sexuality so comments that put us in boxes really get me upset.

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