Politics & Lifestyle

Thinking Beyond Sexual Identity pt I: A look at being a gold star gay and biphobia

By Mammu / @mammumay

Who is this fucktard? This naïve newbie.

I know, I know. It sounds so wild for me to call someone that but that is my reaction every time I bump into a comment that shows ignorance when it comes to other people’s identities. And most of the time I jump into the comment section to defend these attacked identites from generalist thinking. Some of the time I win and other times give up because you cannot always change someone’s thinking.
I am sure you have heard of incidents where someone complains or rants because they out about their partner being bisexual. Have you ever wondered why people keep that aspect of their lives to themselves? Ever wondered why you meet someone (mark you, you have a hint about who they are) and they go ‘I’m straight lesbian, never been to the ‘Dee Ai Cee Kay’ street?

Is there some award they get for professing being straight les?

Well think deep because that is food for thought.

Labels exist to describe us and they typically fall short of showing the fullness of human sexuality.

I am sure that you ever heard of self-proclaimed straight lesbians hating on bisexual females. The ‘they are confused, they don’t know what they want, they cant just have both and get away with it.’ talks?  Or a self-proclaimed butch ,stud or femme hating on gender fluid people? The sort of females who will one day be totally girly in 6 inch heels, jeggings and crop tops, and be the total opposite tomorrow in baggy khaki pants, a t-shirt and timberlands. I have witnessed this thinking from self-proclaimed ‘perfect’ lesbians since I entered the community and trust me I try hard not to get agitated. I try to understand that maybe, just maybe they do not know about the array of sexual identities that is why they say what they say.

We all adhere to a certain label, but that doesn’t necessarily give anyone the right to define who you are.
Labels exist to describe us and they typically fall short of showing the fullness of human sexuality. I mean for most of us, the specifics of what we eroticize, like the thoughts, images or sensations that trigger a climax , shape our desires as much as the gender we are attracted to. In terms of how people identify and the terms they use, I choose to trust the person who is using the term and their definition of it above the dictionary or my understanding that way I get to understand them and avoid getting into unnecessary arguments.

Well, lets talk terms.

The more you get to understand biological sex, gender, sexual identity and sexual orientation the more you may understand yourself and how you relate to other people.

Sexuality is our social and legal status as men, women and gender non identifying persons. Your physical look is your sexuality.
Sexual orientation is the term used to describe whether a person feels sexual desire for people of the other gender, same gender, or both genders. You may be bisexual, gay, lesbian or straight. Or you may be ”questioning ” namely unsure about your sexual orientation.

Sexual identity is our deepest feelings about our sexuality. We express our sexual identity in the way we act masculine, feminine ,neither or both. Some of us are transgender which means that our biological sex and our sexual identity do not match up.
The more you get to understand biological sex, gender, sexual identity and sexual orientation the more you may understand yourself and how you relate to other people. A gay person is someone who is physically, romantically and/or emotionally attracted to people of the same sex. We all know that definitely. Lesbian is the preferred term for women. A bisexual person is a person who is physically, romantically and /or emotionally attracted to those of the same gender or to those of another gender. People may experience this attraction in different ways, degrees and times. Bisexual people need not have had specific sexual experiences to be bisexual, in fact they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual. And note that it does not necessarily mean that a bisexual person dates two people of different genders at the same time, this has been the notion in the community for the longest time. And most of the times believe it or not, bisexuality is stereotyped as being the sexuality into ‘threesomes‘. Weird, right? Wonder how that came about?
So, I am attracted to women, sexually, physically, emotionally attracted to them. But then what type of a lesbian am I?

What type are you?

What label do you conform to?

*leave a comment on the post, you can write it under a different name and your email will not be published.*

To submit to HOLAA! email submissions@holaafrica.org