Love & Relationships

Blame it on the name

By Andiswa

“Oh my God is that your name?” asked my newacquaintance with a rather dismayed look on her face.

Wait a second what happened to the lady I was chatting to just now? The one who was returning the complimentson how good we looked in all the items we kept trying on.

“Yes that would be me, why?” I responded not certain if I wanted to hear her response, given the sudden change of expression.

“I hate that name.Matter of fact it’s my cousin who does and I just hate it in solidarity with her”

“Really?”I purred.

Lebo the shop assistant couldnot hold back laughter as I stood there expressionless not sure if I wanted to know the reason behind such hatred to my name. I decided to let go and not inquire further, but that didn’t stop her from explaining to me why she and her cousin had such strong feelings towards this lovely name of mine.

‘All the people that I know with your name are such home wreckers, okay maybe not all but a certain woman who shared your name stole my cousin’s husband.’

Ooooh so a husband was stolen? Should have guessed it was going there.

If there had been moretime, I would have sat my new friend down and broken this one down for her whilst begging her to relay the message to the cousin as well.

I would have explained that:

Why is the blame always on external factors?

Let’s blame it all on the external factors shall we? If I had a penny for every time a woman blamed something or someone for a cheating husband I would be a zillionaire by now. Even though I got half of the story from the cousin, the fact that this woman goes around hating everyone who shares a name with that magical thing that tripped her ‘innocent husband’ into cheating is such a shame.

I mean who was the husband married to? What was the marriage like?

Why do we refuse for his actions to show us who he really is?

It would seem that all married women, when you find your man cheating or even have the slightest misgiving of him cheating , you remove the notion that he is showing you who he is. You do not engage with the fact that he has exposed himself as a cheater who does not respect the vows that were made.

In fact take it as far as making him out to be this hopeless creature (poor thing) who was destructively influenced by a certain woman to a point where he forgot that he had a wife. After all when he cheats it is your responsibility as a wife to blame yourself right?

I promise you taking his power away from him without his consent will not just allow him to continue getting his rocks off with different people under the veil of secrecy.

But what if the women are saying yes to the married men?

If they weren’t saying yes then they would have no one to cheat with right? If you are a woman married or not, I am almost certain you have at some point in your life received a proposition from a man who was attached.You know the well-practised lines, coming in diverse forms – DM’s, Inboxes, PnP isles sounding like “Oh my mom rocked up unannounced, now I need to get her a toothbrush, do you think this will be okay for a fifty one year old woman?” and other such lame and confusing.

Men do a lot of the approaching but take very little of the blame. We always blame the woman because she must have been the temptress. We think that surely if you have said no then why can other women not say no?

But is it really the job of the other woman or the job of the man not to cheat?

Scrap all of that just go around hating everyone who has a name similar to those of all the other women your man cheated with, those you know and those you don’t know. To make it even more fun bring your cousin in too.

Does that not sound insane? Rather than exploring the problem that you experience within your relationship it is easier to pretend that everything was OK had it not been for some woman with a name.

I get it we are only human and would rather find something, anything, to blame when things don’t go the way we thought they would in our lives.

Heck we would even go as far as blaming the weather.

I suppose it became easier for the cousin to blame her husband’s infidelity to a name,because it could never be the person that she loved who cheated on her. The idea is he would never do such a thing it had to be the other woman or better yet the name.

Problem is there are a lot of things that happen before someone cheats and being given a certain name at birth is not one of them.

For more on cheating, something a little extra and working outside the boundaries check out Conditions of service and Sex and curiosity.

Also have a look at HOLAA’s post Reasons to run on why you should run away from that person.

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