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Sex, Relationships & Love

Things to Know When Using a Strap-on for the First Time (or Any Time)

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On Sep 15, 2022

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The strap. Fun for all folx, men, women and GNC (gender-nonconforming) folx. Straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual and pansexual. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or any other days of the week. 

The strap is for everyone and any time.

But not everyone knows what it is. 

Strap-on: a dildo designed to be worn, usually with a harness, during sexual activity. Harnesses and dildos are made in a wide variety of styles. There are  variations in how the harness fits the wearer, how the dildo attaches to the harness, as well as various features intended to facilitate stimulation of the wearer or a sexual partner (Wikipedia)

Now no matter what popular media has taught you strap-ons are not just for masc queer women who are trying to be lesbian Lotharios. The strap is for everyone, for example the act of pegging. According to a Cosmo article (yes, Cosmo), “It’s where a female or vagina-owning partner wears a harness, pops on a strap-on dildo (don’t worry, it can be as big or small as you like), gives their penis-having partner a lil’ butt action.”

You also don’t need to have strap-on sex to be a good lesbian or queer, using your strap-on game as a marker of being a premium queer is not a real thing. Having sex with a strap-on is a matter of taste and not everyone has to be into doing it. 

Now the fun thing about sex with a strap-on is you can make it an unique experience cause you can literally pick the dick you want. It can literally be a #ChooseYourOwnPhallus type of adventure. 

Here are some things to consider when using “The Strap”:  

1. Dicks come in all shapes, colours and sizes: You probably think of something very specific when you think strap-on, usually a fleshy Caucasian phallus. But the fun thing is so many dildos come in so many different shapes, sizes and colours. You can get purple and curved. Or black and thin. Or neon, ribbed and with a little bubble thing at the end. Whatever you want.

2. Strokes ain’t easy: Having the right motion for the ocean is actually not as simple as you think. F**king someone well is a skill and takes stamina and energy. It also takes coordination so be patient with yourself and communicate with your partner. Remember: practice makes perfect.

3. Own that dick: People who sex with strap-ons often talk about how it becomes an extension of their body, so much so that they can *feel* sensation within the silicone. Some speak about how they love the feeling of power it gives. Own all the emotions, motions and sensations fam. 

4. Get a comfortable harness: You might think it’s all about the dick but it isn’t. Having a comfortable harness is key to your stroke game. If it feels loose or pinches or feels  uncomfortable , change it up either by getting a new one or adjusting the harness’ straps. Invest in a good adjustable harness. 

5. Try it out beforehand: Sit around wearing it. Walk around with it on. Wear it under clothes for a day if you want. Feel it out. Vibe in it. Get used to the sensation of wearing the strap-on before you take it out for a sexual spin. It is very important to check that you are feeling comfortable in the harness because you shall be using it to sex someone.  

6. Realise that you are *magic*: According to a Pride article “Penetrating with and getting penetrated by a strap-on feels powerful AF. Not only do you realise that there’s no such thing as ‘penis envy’, because anyone can own one, but you also understand that it’s extremely hot.”

7. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate: Look, the first few times you use a strap-on probably will be super awkward but that’s why you need to talk about it. There will be some hiccups and some coordination issues because you won’t be used to using it yet. So communicate about all of this. Communication during sex is just a good look. As is outlined in the Pride article: “Talk if you’re topping. And for the partner being penetrated, please kindly share what feels good and what feels like it’s bruising (unless you’re into that).”

8. Lube up: In all things sex, lube is your friend and when using the strap this even more true. Get you some good water-based lube (these go better with most toys) and get slipping and sliding. For those of you who are into taste, throw in some flavours if you are feeling adventurous and will be giving head at some point. 

9. Research different positions to try: There are certain positions which will work better for a strap-on and your kind of body than others. Some will show you magic and some will be kind of “meh”. Do some research beforehand and then do some experimenting. The internet can be a hot mess but also your friend when it comes to figuring out the logistics and the mechanism of sex.

10. “Bottoms” gotta put in the work too: Now being strapped is not about laying there like a roasted chicken, to make magic everyone has to put in some effort. So if you are getting strapped, remember you gotta put in the work into it as well. Thrust back, wind your waist. Do the things fam. 

11. Try the dildo (shaft) on yourself: It’s important to know what you are putting out there so when you buy a strap try it out on yourself to know what you’ll be putting inside someone else. Alternatively, if you have someone specific you want to use the strap-on with, going shopping for it together is advisable because they get input into what is being put in (pun intended). 

12. Don’t forget your hands: Strap-on sex means you are now hands free to explore your partner’s body. Take the opportunity to touch and squeeze and tickle. 

13. Don’t sweat the sex: Things might go wrong. Things might get awkward. Things might slip out. Sheeeeeeiiiittt you could hump the bed for hawt minute without knowing. Don’t get stressed by it. Sex shouldn’t be taken super seriously because it is an experience and not a performance. It won’t always go perfectly so just enjoy the ride.

14. Hydrate: Drink your water and stay hydrated. Strap-on sex is a whole body activity.

Now go and enjoy some strap-on play!

Here are some extra resources if you need them:

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Check out the Basically…Life Podcast (on all platforms) and our YouTube series We Are F**kin Here for other vibes that show how queers are living, lovin’ and f*ckin.

For more info about all things gender and sexuality download our Touch Manual which has a bunch of info about dating, sexuality, gender, sex and much more!

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