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Afro Sexual Wisdom

The Hustle of Studs, Stemmes, and Femmes Part II: Studs

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On Jun 3, 2018

By Cisi Eze

This one is for studs.

Firstly, let me not that I have heard the difference between “stud” and “butch” is race, so insert self here. I assume you already know what it means to be stud or butch.

Editor’s Note: For those who do not know what a stud is here is an article.

The butch, like the femme queer woman, has many hurdles and hustles here are some:

  1.    “I can’t fix the cabinet/cables for the TV/leaking toilet. We’ll have to wait for her to come over.” Your girlfriend and other women believe you are some sort of handyman. Just when you thought y’all were all women.
  2.    Some people think you are actually a man. They mistakenly call you “sir” and say ‘he’. They are also surprised when you provide identification and you are not a man (i.e. at airports, check points etc).
  3.    Sexists have beef with you. Just because you do not fit into the mold of “conventional female”. How dare you not embody femininity? What they do not realise is that there are many ways to be a woman or man.
  4.    Everyone knows you are a lesbian/queer. Is this even a hustle? But when you live in a homophobic country, it becomes a hustle.
  5.    Femme feminists have beef with you. They be like, “I would not want to date a stud. They perpetuate that idea of heteronomativity, as prescribed by patriarchy…” Lots of big grammar.
  6.    You get unfortunate questions from those close to you, questions like: ‘Why do you want to be a man?’ ‘When did you become a lesbian?’ ‘When are we meeting your boyfriend?’ You get to the point you start ignoring calls from family members, because you can’t deal anymore.
  7.    Scummy hetero men say misogynistic stuff around you, because they think you are ‘one of the guys’. You begin to wonder if they have forgotten you are a woman.
  8.    World pipo invalidate your relationship with another stud. They literally think you guys are “bros”. Like, no. Just. No.
  9.    Stereotypes. Stereotypes. Stereotypes. People freak out when you like ‘girly’ things. They are confused when you decide to wear makeup or fix your nails. They expect you not to cry.
  10.   Homophobes, especially homophobic women, are wary of you. They just get put off by you, because your gay is showing.

If you can relate, you know the hustle is real. Very, very real.

P.S. Just in case someone asks you when you became a lesbian or how did you know you were a lesbian, kindly ask them when they became hetero. Also ask how they knew they were hetero. We can all be petty as fuck.

This was first published on Cisi Eze’s blog Shades of Cisi

Check out this piece about being stud for studs and femmes for femmes . If you are a stud, do you. In case you have not gone through “The Hustle of Femmes” also check out the last installment in this piece the hustle of stemmes.

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