Sex

Switching it up: Trying the act of pegging

Pegging is not high on heterosexual couples’ list of things to do in bed, but maybe it should be. The act of trying something new and subverting gender roles in the sack can lead to increased pleasure and healthy conversations for both parties.

The act of being penetrated is enough to give most straight (and some gay) men the shakes. Whether it is out of fear, not wanting to have your sexuality questioned or simply because you don’t want to try new things, many men are probably not down with this. There is a taboo around the idea of a man having something done to them, with the whole heterosexual experience being built on the idea that men give the sex and women receive it.

Now, what happens when the man, literally, receives it – as in the case of pegging? is  There is the opportunity to try something new and broaden your horizons as a couple and redefine the traditional sexual roles ascribed to men and women. The current narrative around sex is men give sex and women take it: giving her the D, penetrating, screwing. With pegging, the roles are, in a sense, reversed and women become the ones who handle things; the ones who penetrate.

There is a stigma attached to pegging, fuelled by a whole host of myths about what it entails. To start with the first misconception, one is not suddenly gay because they have experienced (and enjoyed) pegging.

Unlike kink, pegging has not come on in full force, probably because of the host of taboos and ideas swirling around it. In a world that is rife with homophobia and toxic masculinity, we know that asking men to try pegging is a big ask. What if it means I am gay? we hear you ask.

Firstly, nothing wrong with being gay! Secondly, it does not. A person’s sexuality is not their sexual practices; it is a complex system of attraction, beliefs, as well as emotional and intellectual aspects of an identity. Being straight/gay/bisexual/queer/asexual etc. goes far beyond simply what you do with your naked bits.

When a heterosexual man experiences pleasure from being penetrated by his female partner, he can still stamp his straight man card at the next AGM. That being said, one should consider engaging in this for a number of reasons. Firstly, the prostate (sometimes dubbed the male G spot) is in the anus. That alone should have you at least considering it. The prostate has many nerve endings which, for some, when stimulated, can make you see sounds and taste colours.

Another reason to try pegging is that it breaks down the general taboo of sex and sees a couple going outside the ‘norm’, which makes you and your partner(s) more open to trying new things and having conversations around that. This goes beyond the possibility of pegging and opens the door to a whole host of other sexual experiences now that the lines of communication are truly open. Often, what frustrates and dissuades people from trying new things, especially in long-term relationships, is the fear of shaking things ups, of being too ‘out there’, even when there are a few things that make us all go bump in the night but we all feel we should rather keep in the dark. Having open and free conversations about sexual wants and needs can only ever lead to good things and an enhanced sense of closeness.

How to do it

As I have stipulated time and time again, discussing your sex is an important part of doing the sex. Using sex toys can be tricky. It is not simply about unleashing a dildo the size of your arm as your face breaks out into a sly smirk. Like any sexual experience, the act of introducing sex toys to your relationship should be discussed first. Do not suddenly inflict something new on a partner, leaving them shocked and confused. Often, couples who use sex toys are better at communicating in bed. Contrary to popular belief, simply springing sexual stuff on someone is more likely to lead to awkward moments, rather than delighted orgasms. The same goes for pegging, particularly because this act goes against the heterosexual script for sex. Have the conversation beforehand and talk through any fears, concerns or insecurities you and your partner may have.

Another key thing is to make sure you have all the bits and bobs you will need, for example, lubricant and a dildo and harness that is a size that is comfortable for all involved. This is where finding someone who knows something about sex toys could come in helpful – they may be able to give you some advice on what is best for you.

Expanding your sexual horizons outside of the traditional ‘gender roles’ that come with sex can open you up to a whole host of experiences that could lead to pushing the boundaries of pleasure. Going outside of your comfort zone in a trusted and safe environment can be an exciting and fun experience for both partners. So, even though pegging can make you break out into a cold sweat at the thought, it can also be a steamy act of passion that may well keep you coming back for more.

This was first published on This Is Africa

*leave a comment on the post, you can write it under a different name and your email will not be published.*

To submit to HOLAA! email submissions@holaafrica.org