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Preparing for ‘Two Vulva’ Sex: A Quick Guide To Queer Sex

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On Mar 1, 2023

You have come out, you are ready and DTF (Down To Fuck). Only problem is, you have never been with someone else with a vulva. Never had ‘The Lesbian Sex’. Never gotten freaky with other queer folx. 

You begin to freak out, right? 

Wrong. 

There is no need to be afraid, sex is something that you can learn about and get better at. With the right foundation you can figure it out. 

This article is here to help you have figure out how to have sex with someone with another vulva. 

Let’s kick it off, queer sex is not something we get taught in sex-ed at school (damn, do we even get sex ed…?) so the internet is the place to find out the things.

Pre- prep: Figuring out your own vibes

First step in this queer  sex journey is to masturbate. Knowing your own body and pleasure really helps when you are about to start rubbing on someone else. Being comfy and chill in your own skill goes a long way to you being comfy around another body. An article by auto straddle says: If you have a vulva and you wanna know how to make a person with a vulva feel good, you have the advantage of using yourself as a test subject — not that what pleases you will please your partner, but it’s a start.

Take a look inside yo’ self: Doing some self-reflection before you jump into the sex is a vibe. Before you jump into the wide world of queer  sex. Bring yourself to yourself and think about what you would want in bed, what your hang ups are, what your turn ons and turn offs are. Who are YOU as a sexual being?

Engage in some self stroking: Touching yourself with your pants  and underwear on (you can unzip your pants, but don’t pull them down) might be very good practice for when the horniness grips you in a non- bedroom setting. 

Look at your p*ssy: You also need to look at your vulva. Just check it out and get comfortable staring it in the face and being like ‘hey there vagina… how’s it going?’ Getting comfortable with your genitalia is always a good step before you get comfy with other people’s.

Opening Up The Vulva

If you are going to be wandering around your vulva (and the vulva’s of other folx) you should probably have a break down of it:

Clitoris: Your clit is made up of the glans/head (the most sensitive part with 6,000-8,000 nerve endings), the hood (which drapes over the glans) and the shaft (which is on average 1.9 cm in length). Some clits are larger than others, and clitoral stimulation is a great great way to reach orgasm. 

Studies have shown that most people with vulvas are more likely to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation as opposed to penetration. Also the vibe of the clit is feeling good i.e. it is made purely for pleasure. That is its ONLY function. 

Let it do its job.

Labia Majora and Minora: Them be your “pussy lips.”  and, the labia minora are the asymmetrical delicate folds of softy spongy erectile tissue within the labia majora. Some labia minoras extend past the majoras and some are tucked away inside. These come in different shapes and sizes and all are magnificent.

Note: yours will not look the same as other people because vulvas have range, porn and other things can make it seem there is a way for your p*ssy to look but really they are all lovely in their own way.

Vagina: Your vaginal entrance is below your clit and urethral opening (aka where the pee comes out). Vaginal tissue is elastic, you may have heard that babies come out of it and fists can go into it. Most of the nerve endings are in the outer third of the vagina.

G-Spot: Put a finger in your vagina. Now make a “come hither” motion towards the front wall of your vagina. Do you feel that spot with a texture unlike everything else’s texture? It’s a sponge about the size of a bean that fills with blood during arousal, directly in front of your uterus.

Perineum: The flat area between the pudendal cleft and the anus. Some women find this area sexually sensitive. Slangily referred to as “the taint” ’cause it ain’t the genitals and it ain’t the asshole.

Grooming and body care

Now, to have good sex you gotta keep it fresh and clean, folx. Don’t be coming round with janky nails, dirty hands, dusty sex toys and other nasty things. Be focused. 

Let’s get into some grooming tips.

Hair: A lot of folx will wonder about hair because of all the eating of p*ssy and things but you know what? Do what you want with your hair. Body hair is such a contentious thing and whether long or short or in your armpits or on your legs or nowhere at all do you. Granted it might be a little trickier to get all in there if there is more hair but there is always a work around and some folx are all about having that hair there.

If you do want to remove the hair then that’s a vibe too. You can also trim it, get a landing strip, get a wax. Just make sure you do something that doesn’t irritate your skin cause that will not be good vibes when the sex eventually happens.

Nails: You know nails are important when it comes to lesbian sex. Keep them clean and filed. Your nails must not be serving jagged edges. This is not 90’s R&B. If you love your nails long there are ways to have the sex without swerving your manicure.  For example you could wear gloves.

According to an article on the THEM website,  “Manicured nails with gels or acrylics are totally safe for penetrative sex,” says Jessie Cheung, MD, a cosmetic dermatologist who specialises in sexual wellness.  The only thing is staying away from stiletto nails because they could ‘ tear the paper-thin mucosa skin that lines the anus and vagina.’ (Lawd… just typing that was hard. Goodness. Ouch.)

Vulva care: And last but not least your actual va-jay jay. In terms of this you need to remember a few things, the simpler the grooming the better. Your vulva is self cleaning, it handles its business. You do not need to sprinkle perfume on it or smear stuff to make it smell and taste like peaches. It is perfect.

Vulva care is drinking your water, getting medical check ups,  washing it with water (and *maybe* a mild soap but that is about it). No need for all that razzle dazzle, the vulva has got this. If you want to use a product to clean your vulva make sure it is: scent-free, dermatologist-tested and hypoallergenic.

Links to check out:

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Check out the Basically…Life Podcast (on all platforms) and our YouTube series We Are F**kin Here for other vibes that show how queers are livin’, lovin’ and f*ckin.

For more info about all things gender and sexuality download our Touch Manual which has a bunch of info about dating, sexuality, gender, sex and much more!

Get your of copy Touch: Sex, Sexuality and Sensuality – A collection of essays from folks all around the world. A collection of intimate, beautiful, gorgeous essays. 

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