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Sex, Relationships & Love

Lube: A short guide to getting wet and wild

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On Sep 12, 2023

HOLAA, erotic, HOLAAfrica, orgasm, ithongomusings

Are you using lube? If not, then you should be.

Quite a few people think that using lube is a sign that you’re not enjoying yourself during sex, or it means there’s something wrong with you. That’s not even true. Society has socialised us poorly. It’s led us to believe that a pussy must be one thing that acts in one predictable way. Some folx are out here saying that a wet pussy is a problem and we should put Coke or sand in it (that’s a thing that happens in parts of Southern Africa), whilst others are in these streets expecting a dripping wet, squirting pussy à la porn every time they look sideways at it.

Everyone has an opinion on how women’s bodies or assigned female at birth (AFAB) bodies should look, feel and taste and they will give their opinion, often and loudly. Especially if they are a cis-het man.

When it comes to the ‘your vajayjay should be wet’ camp, women who are less moist are stigmatised. In their Feministing piece, Sesali B says, ‘Naturally, “wet p*ssy” has been uplifted as one of the necessary components of a satisfying sexual experience for straight, cis men’.

The misconceptions surrounding lube use mean that most folx won’t even admit to needing it, let alone take steps to incorporate it into their sex lives.

We are here to tell you that you should.  

Whether you get Niagara Falls levels of wet or are on the drier side, adding lube to your sex life is a real thing because it is awesome for a bunch of reasons. From adding pleasure to safer sex it really shows up for you and your partner.

When it comes to safe sex ‘“Some lubricants may help prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs),” explains Amy Roskin, MD, chief medical officer of The Pill Club. They go on to say: ‘without enough lubrication, sex can cause too much friction, which may cause small skin tears, cuts, or irritation that can make infections more likely.’

Dr Tlaleng, author of the best selling book, A Guide To Sexual Health and Pleasure, also encourages the use of lube and is always encouraging us to get our lives right and get slippery. In one article they say, ‘Vaginal dryness is not uncommon. When the vagina does not lubricate enough, this can lead to friction, pain and discomfort. Oestrogen levels have a direct impact and the levels drop naturally with menopause and the fluctuations during the menstrual cycle makes vaginal dryness common.’

Ask any expert and lube is 100% the MVP when it comes to sex. Not only does it make things safer but it also can add extra sensations and fun new tricks to do when you are getting sexy (which we’ll tell you about later).

Different lubes for different times

 Some types of lubes include:

  • Water-based
  • Oil-based
  • Petroleum
  • Silicone
  • Hybrid lubes (which are normally a combo of silicone and water-based lubes)

Different lubes will play different roles in various sexual acts, at various times. For example you should use water-based lube with latex condoms, since oil-based lubes can break down the latex.

Water-based: Water-based lube really has the range and is the best all-purpose slip and slide enhancer. So, if you don’t have a huge backpack or suitcase to be carting about all sorts of bottles (say on a weekend away or if you need to take some to the club) then this is your best bet. It is the only kind of lube  safe to use with all condoms and sex toys. Also in terms of clean up, water based lubes are easier that say, oil-based ones which can leave things sticky and with streaks.

The only thing it isn’t best for is play/sex in water because if you start getting hot and heavy in a pool, hot tub or shower, water based lube will wash away (because, duh, water).

Pro tip: Add a few drops of water if the lube starts to gum up, and it will get slick again.

Oil-based: The slipperiest but also the one with the most restrictions. It will degrade latex condoms so best for ol’ school masturbation without toys. Oil as a lube isn’t always great for internal use because oil cannot be absorbed inside the body. So try and avoid it when masturbating with a vulva.

Silicone: Silicone lube is great for sex in water since it stays stickier for longer and won’t wash away. It’s also a whole vibe for anal sex and if you struggle to keep wet for extended periods of time because you don’t need to keep reapplying it again and again.

According to Dr Tlaleng, ‘silicone lubricants are hypoallergenic, long-lasting and need to be reapplied less often than water-based lubricants’ so the formulas last longer. However, you can’t use them with (most) silicone toys because it melts and warps the material. Seeing as most toys are made of silicone these days it’s probably best to curve the silicone-based lube as your primary go-to if you enjoy your sex toys. You don’t want to end up messing up your sex toy (those things ain’t cheap fam).

Ditto for most condoms: Silicone lube isn’t always friends with condoms either, however the ones that you *can* use with silicone will go wild telling you on the packaging (screaming at you: THIS CONDOM IS SAFE TO USE WITH SILICONE-BASED LUBE WAAAAAA!). To err on the safe side presume most times that it’s a no-no.

Coconut oil: Yes, it’s technically oil-based but it gets its own special section. This is an au naturel vegan lube which can be used in sex without a condom and is great if you are sensitive or prone to allergies. It has one ingredient and is generally safe for most people and bodies (inside or out) and it’s super slick. BUT you cannot use coconut oil with latex condoms because it will degrade the material.

Another thing to note is if you regularly get yeast infections, coconut oil is a no go because it can throw off the pH balance in the vagina and you do not want that.

Please note: DO NOT use olive oil as a lubricant. Just don’t.

No.

Now that you have more understanding around lubricants, incorporate them more into your sex life, slip and slide into that vibe.

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