I do not enjoy penetrative sex but I have found that due to a weakness I have for them, I always find myself in-between the thighs of another woman wondering how the hell I got here.
During these times I have a lot of thoughts which I have decided to sum them up in this post. To give a peek into the one-woman internal conversation I have with myself during the stage of pre-sex, foreplay, sex and post-sex.
Before the sex begins…
Mmmmmh this feels good, please touch me boobs, focus on my boobs.
Yes bae you are getting this right. No no no don’t try and take my pants off.
Oh my gosh we are probably going to have sex, let us think of pizza.
Side note: I think of pizza because it is always an encouraging thought during an ‘I am not enjoying this’ moment.
Heavy petting- clothing still on(barely):
Uhm okay, this feels good, let me just create friction with your thighs and your boobs and my boobs and we can just stop here.
Oh my word why does your mouth feel so good on my boobs. Is there such a thing as ‘boob sex’? if so we need to have more boob sex as a couple.
I think my panties are soaked.
Then I come…
Woah did I just have an orgasm? Yeah, because that shit is so difficult for me. Whoop whoop, party over here.
Hold up, why are you looking at me like that? Wait is that the look people have when they want to screw you senseless?
I am sorry I had an orgasm and you didn’t but your fingers are not coming anywhere near me.
The sex is about to become an official ding-dong.
Okay let’s stay calm, you’ve done this before. Just go through the motions and don’t puke.
My girlfriend positions herself in between my thighs and the sex begins…
Woah, slow down there cow-girl, I need to mentally prepare myself. Mmmmmh this isn’t that bad hey.
Then it begins to feel good…
Moon Goddess, I can’t breathe, the pleasure overtaking my body right now is indescribable.
Oh my gosh, there is a knot in my stomach. I need to come and soon.
No baby, do not put your fingers in me or I can’t focus on my high. Okay so you seriously want your fingers inside me? Ok then…
Ow ow ow, don’t go too deep.
Shit, moan don’t forget to moan, go through the motions and think of pizza.
My tummy hurts and I need to come and I can’t do so with your fingers inside of me.
Yes. Let’s pick up the pace.
She slides her fingers out…
Yes, your fingers are out of my core and I can enjoy this.
Oh so you like it when I rub your clit whilst we are in this position, noted.
I think I am going to cum now.
Oh Saturn, oh Venus, Oh Goddess of pleasure, I think I am dying…
Who am I? Where am I? I think I might have sexual amnesia.
Hey you sexually satisfied smiling human in-between my thighs, you are so damn beautiful.
It all seems over but…
Wait, you aren’t satisfied?
My girlfriend goes down on me…
Okay let me gather my internal hurdles, I need to at least try and enjoy this.
My boobs hurt.
You actually look quite sexy in-between my thighs. *laughing* did you just look up at me from down there and smile?
Oh shit, I am not moaning. Ok think of the lesbian scene in Black Swan…
…this is not getting me off.
I try a little more fantasizing…
Think of that lesbian couple from Orphan Black.
They are actually quite cute, shit what are their names again? Co-something.
I need to get me some super smart science girlfriend.
What are their names? Seriously, especially the dreadlocked clone sexy scientist one.
She moves to put her fingers inside me again…
Do not penetrate, I repeat, Do Not Penetrate.
Aaaaaah! Use your pinky not your middle finger. Oh gosh, I cannot deal with this.
Focus, moan and think of the fact that you have an exam tomorrow and you haven’t studied.
Shit! I have an exam and I think I just went all dry.
Thoughts of works continue to swirl around my head…
Let’s do a mental scan of all the chapters I need to study.
I need to WhatsApp my friend and confirm this exam.
Aren’t you done yet, I don’t know how long can I continue to pretend.
Let’s use that drama training I picked up in High School to finish off.
I start faking an orgasm, screaming and shouting to all known (and unknown) goddesses…
I need to go study but I have to fucking cuddle, Chapter 3 of Mercantile Law in Southern Africa, that where I need to start studying. Let me have a quick nap though, I deserve it for that award winning performance
I sleep till the next morning and fail my Mercantile Law exam. But I have ‘cheer me up sex’ with my girlfriend and scream out Delphine and Cosima in the midst of the sex. I am then asked who ‘Delphine and Cosima’ are and so I end up begging and pleading, unable to explain that I am not cheating on her with fictional characters from a series.