Sex

Dildo Dynamix: Answering the lesbian and penetration question

By Annonymous

I recall packing for a trip when my heterosexual male friend reminded me, jokingly, to pack my vibrator. In a state of excitement ( because of the kind reminder) I dashed into my bedroom and pulled out my tiny purple vibrator – a birthday present from two naughty friends. This purple vibrator has been the main bone of contention between my friend and I ever since.

The heterosexual male does not seem to understand why I call myself lesbian when I use a vibrator. He, the heterosexual male, is convinced that there is something wrong with my lesbianism if I enjoy the use of a phallic toy. The heterosexual male continued to make jokes about this, asking:  “if lesbians say that they are real lesbians then why do they need vibrators? Isn’t that the same as having sex with a man?” Even though my friend is very well-read and not ‘an innocent’, this conversation/argument still continues to this day. We spend less time together now.

Perhaps I should have taken a breath and found a way of explaining, but I was upset with the fact that my close friend ridiculed me and simply does not understand sexuality. However, I received the same question from my gay male friend who said to me, while studying my book on Lesbian Kamasutra (by Kat Harding), that “you know, I get the whole lesbian thing but why do they want to use vibrators and dildos if they are not attracted to men?” This time, this question threw me into a more calm analysis of sexuality. I refuse to focus on one thing i.e. lesbians using sex toys.

I will focus broadly on the variability of sexual practices among all couples and hope to bring us to the conclusion that “sex is sex”.

All that really matters is attraction.

With my friend’s keen interest, I commenced my long speech by asking, “what is it about men and their penises? This attachment that men have to their penises seems to blind them to fact that the penis is not as important as they make it out to be. Men identify with their penises. Women, on the other hand, do not really fixate on their vaginas. Men’s penises are their symbol of strength, entitlement, power and authority. Even though the tide is changing and women are becoming more interested in their vaginas and reclaiming such words as “pussy” some of us are not yet where men are in terms of being attached to our genitalia.

With regards to unconventional sexual practices within different relationships; there are heterosexual men who enjoy anal sex with their heterosexual female partners. A lot of people would roll their eyes and say “GAY” in response to this. I am aware of lesbian women who enjoy anal sex with their female partners. What about heterosexual males who enjoy receiving anal sex? GAY right?

A more extreme example would be a heterosexual female who stays with her Male To Female Transsexual partner after the transition. So, if we are to classify everyone according to the type of sex they practice then all the men I have spoken of are either bisexual or GAY, the lesbian woman I spoke of is a closeted transgendered man who is gay, the men who enjoy receiving anal sex are certainly gay and the wife of the MTF transsexual is now a lesbian. This would make the dildo-sex practicing lesbians two heterosexual women who just can’t find or keep men. Which is, of course, ridiculous!

So, even though I cannot provide a definite answer to my friends’ questions, I can make them understand that there is no answer besides the fact that “sex is sex” and attraction is all that matters. It will be years before men from the Stone Age will understand  all this but this is all the truth there is to the matter. Perhaps a question should be asked; when you see a guy, do you see a penis walking towards you? Why is our expression of our sexuality limited to what society expects and is most comfortable with? Sexuality is a continuously evolving puzzle and people should not be classified according to what kind of sex they practice.

No one likes to live in a box.

Want to know what women do in bed? Check out this post that tells you or this post which has a podcast of what women like having done to them in bed.

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