Love & Relationships

Date Ideas: Intentionally Spending Time Together

Posted By

On May 26, 2022

Date Ideas: Intentionally Spending Time Together

Art by Oh Snap! It’s Alexandra’s Art.

Dates are a part of intentional time together which is such a key part of any relationship. This list suggests  everything from being out in the world to being home and living your best life one-on-one. 

Dates do not always have to be the same routine of flowers and dinner, they can take many different shapes. 

Here is a list of ideas for date night, everything from staying home to straying out in the world: 

1. Go for a movie: There is something fun and funky about going to the movies. Also the cover of darkness will make intimate times a little easier, even if it is just a little hand holding. 

Extra safety tip: arrive at the movie at different times but buy seats next to each other online beforehand. 

2. Have a picnic at home: This is safe, cheap and sexy and ensures a little social distancing if COVID-19 is still doing the most in your region. All you need to do is add some easy to eat meals (i.e. finger foods), some drinks and some candles. Instant intimacy.

3. Have a (sexy) game night: A lot of erotic games can be found on the internet and are super easy to play at home. You can buy them online or in erotic stores, Google some free ones or even make some up. Sexy games are a fun and great way to connect and also to take the seriousness out of your sex life whilst spicing it up. 

4. Brunch/dinner/lunch: It’s a classic. Need we say more? Getting day drunk with your partner is always such a fun vibe, so put away your phones and have conversations about everything and nothing over a meal and a drink. 

(Extra safety tip: Always look out for your safety especially when it comes to PDA. Try and find recommendations from other couples for safe, queer-friendly spaces to go). 

6. Go on a baecation: Now this one takes guaps so it’s not for every Saturday but if you can afford to go away together getting out of your own space can be amazing. With the panini keeping us all indoors so much over the last two years having a moment to travel together can be a real soothing balm. Also it’s a really great way to unplug and unwind. 

Extra safety tip: It’s always best to check what places are gay-friendly (either locally or internationally). 

7. Movie/ tv series marathon: Streaming movies and shows through services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Showmax etc as well as all those download sites means this date can last and last. It can go on for days (lesbian style) as you simply work your way through all sorts of content. It’s a great way to get into each other’s viewing pleasures and also watch some trash TV together (and you can also pause the viewing to have make out sessions).

Extra tip: This is a great time to watch all the queer stuff  out there and feel the warm and fuzzies. Here is a Netflix list and a Showmax list (you can probably find similar ones for other platforms too).

8. Watch porn together: It’s a really interesting and intimate way to find out what your partner(s) are into because you see what turns them on in real time. Also because folks never share their porn this is a way to get to know each other sexually. 

Extra tip: Try and find some queer friendly or feminist porn. Most of it needs to be paid for but many platforms do have it. Google is totally your friend.

9.  Do a tasting: Buy a whole bunch of booze and pretend you are on a wine farm or at a beer/ whiskey/gin tasting. You can even go further and start doing fancy s**t like pairing it with cheese and crackers or  some grapes and stuff. Or if you can  go for an actual tasting which is a fun and fancy way to get tipsy together. 

10. Body tasting: Cover each other with things and lick or eat it off. Chocolate, whipped cream, jelly beans (if that is your thing). It’s fun and sexy and can end in a sensual shower afterwards. 

11. Zoom/FaceTime/Whatsapp video date: This is for the long distance folks. With a good enough wifi connection (or enough data) you can do everything from have dinner, to binge watch a series or even have sex. COVID taught us, y’all the internet will save relationships.

Extra tip: Send sexy nudes and messages before your date to set the mood and build up the anticipation. 

12. Do a relationship M&E: Sometimes it is important to take a beat, breathe and figure out where this thing is going. Check in with each other, conduct a performance review of yourselves as a couple and as individuals. This takes time and dedication so set aside a day or evening to see how everyone is doing. Ask questions like, “What is working, what isn’t?” , “What is making you happy, what isn’t?”  (Here is a list of questions you can ask each other to ‘fall in love’, or get to know each other better).

Extra tip: Communication and checking in is such an important part of any relationship, no matter what type. Dates are a space for that uninterrupted conversation. 

13. Learn each other’s love languages: Sure we know folx do not have one love language but set up a date where each person can say what sort of things make them feel loved in a relationship. 

Here are the five love languages according to Gary Chapman:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

14. Painting/ colouring at home: There is something so therapeutic about colouring in or painting. If there are no art studios nearby that allow you to sip wine and get creative, do it at home with some blank pieces of paper and some store bought paints (or if you’re feeling fancy those pastel ones). If adult colouring is your thing you can also buy a book or print some pages off the internet and get some colours. Also. Wine. 

15. Home spa day: Get all the ingredients to pamper and do it yourselves. Get some face masks, bubble baths and top it all off with giving each other massages. Also get classy with some champagne and strawberries. Or wine. Or gin. Whatever.

16. Sex roulette: Write down lots of sex acts, put them in a jar and take them out one by one. The one holding the piece of paper has to do the sex act. This game also allows for y’all to write down some fantasies and act them out, and have a think about the sex you want. 

17. Fantasy/ role playing session: This can be an evening of fantasy exploration. In advance, create a list of sexual fantasies and share them with each other and allow each other to plan them and have fun on the night.

18. Play truth or dare: This can be done outdoors or in the house depending on where you are and what you have (safe) access to. Ask each other truth or dare, depending on what you pick you either have to be super honest about something or do something as a dare. 

19. Double/group date: Sometimes it takes a village, and group dates can always be a fun way to revitalise your relationship. This can be anything from just having random fun together (like paintballing, bowling, dinner and drinks) to creating a safe space where folks chat about stuff that’s on their mind about relationships.

20. Journalling and sharing date: This is a cute intimate date where you sit around with some relaxing music, some snacks and some drinks and you journal about what’s on your mind. You can even share the thoughts afterwards if you want.  

21. Reading date: You can read queer erotica/literature to each other or even read your favourtie book at the time. This can also be a long term date idea where you choose a novel that you work through together. Like a book club for you and bae.

22. Podcast date: Spend time catching up with all your favourite podcasts together or even discovering new ones. (You all obviously should be listening to Basically…Life by now.)

23. Cook dinner together: Sexy, sensual, simple. 

24. Couples vision board: This is a dope idea that serves two purposes a) super fun b) super focused because it helps see what sort of things you want not only for yourselves as a couple but also for yourself personally. Figuring out what it is you want in life is so important and empowering. 

Links & Articles:

Dark Juices & Afrodisiacs: Erotic Diaries Vol I.

Check out the Basically…Life Podcast (on all platforms) and our YouTube series We Are F**kin Here for other vibes that show how queers are living, lovin’ and f*ckin.

For more info about all things gender and sexuality download our Touch Manual which has a bunch of info about dating, sexuality, gender, sex and much more!

Also visit our Instagram page and Twitter account for even more great content!
To submit to HOLAA email submissions@holaafrica.org