Posted By HOLAA
On Nov 28, 2017
I am an African, and gay as fuck
I’m a gay baby who wants to grow gay wings and fly
Instead I live in fear
And it paralyses me
It holds me down with a firm grip
And threatens to choke me
Sometimes I even dream about telling my ma
“Hey ma, I’m gay!” [insert awkwardness here]
But how do I tell a parent with whom I have never even honestly discussed sex?
Oh ma!
How did we get here?
I am an individual who has never done well with standing up on their own
I have always survived and gotten my nourishment from nods of approval
I search for them
I collect them
I put them in a little bag and hold them dear
They tell me I’m doing alright
Which is why this experience is more paralyzing
This thought that this thing my mom will not approve
That my mom, even though she may still love me
Will cast this part of me aside
That she will start praying for me more
And worry where she went wrong
Ma
The day that I tell you will come
It will be uncomfortable
For now, I will work on accepting myself
On accepting this person that I want to be
In case you don’t fully do that when I tell you
In case you disapprove of me in ways that will hurt me beyond words.
*leave a comment on the post, you can write it under a different name and your email will not be published.*
To submit to HOLAA! email submissions@holaafrica.or