A surprising secret about women’s orgasms

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On Feb 22, 2019

By LoveMatters Africa

Surprising research reveals a secret about women’s orgasms. It all comes down to the partner. Not a secret, you say? It is.

The neglected orgasms  

Women’s pleasure isn’t seen as being as important as the enjoyment of the male partner. Sounds harsh, but that’s what it is. Pleasure for women wasn’t talked about for a long time – sex was about some wham-bang-thank-you-ma’am and the man’s orgasm.  

But that’s changing, thankfully. Even though men are still more likely to have orgasms during sex, sex should be fun for both partners. And, while sex and satisfaction are about so much more than just orgasms, they are a great part of it.  


The difficult orgasm  

Part of the issue is that for most women, it’s much harder to have an orgasm than it is for men. That’s because women don’t get encouraged to explore their bodies and what gets them off half as much as men do. And, the female anatomy doesn’t make it easy, either. Most women need their clitoris stimulated to have a chance at an orgasm – but most in-and-out vaginal sex doesn’t do anything for the clitoris.

Interesting fact: most straight couples only consider penis-in-vagina sex as ‘real sex’; oral sex or caressing each other isn’t ‘real sex’, for most people.  

The frustrating (non-)orgasm  

Orgasms aren’t just about pleasure. If a woman has trouble reaching an orgasm, she is more likely to be angry, frustrated, anxious, and sad, compared to her climaxing female friends. Orgasms aren’t just a nice thing to have, they are actually good for your mental health.  

The surprising secret to amazing orgasms

One really important factor has so far been overlooked by orgasm researchers: a woman’s partner. That was a big mistake, recent research reveals.

Women who have sex with men are far less likely to climax than woman who are sleeping with other women.

Why? There are two possibilities. The first one is that women simply understand women’s anatomy better, understand how important the clitoris is, and what works for pleasure. The second option is that the actual problem is the men. As soon as a male partner is in the picture, things subconsciously revolve around him, and the woman’s pleasure becomes secondary.  

The solution

Seeing that changing your sexual orientation isn’t an option, what can straight women do to make sure that their pleasure is on the sex agenda?  

Know your body and what gets you off.  

Tell your partner, and instruct him/her/them. Positive reinforcement, and showing him what to do often work well.   Talk: let your partner know when you are not enjoying what’s going on, and your pleasure is just as important as his.

And hopefully, your road to a mind-blowing orgasm is paved.

This post originally appeared on Love Matters Africa. For more cool articles from Love Matters check out Yes women watch porn too and the queers are sleeping around (myths about queer relationships). Also check out Body Popping All The Time: A piece about body positivity. On HOLAA check out this piece on faking orgasms and why you shouldnt.  There is also this piece about different types of orgams you can have.

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