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Double Trouble - HOLAAfrica!

Double Trouble

By Thulie Love

I have always been optimistic because I have never have any reason not to be (really).
It has always been like a driving force in my life and it has worked a lot of time. I admit that sometimes it didn’t but still there was always something to learn that would lead me to be my optimistic self again. I guess one could say that in my case  ”you cant keep a good woman down”.

Optimism has worked a lot of the time but not in the relationship department. This area has always been a difficult one. If you think getting a woman is hard when you are ”normal” and have no disability or ailment then think again because you my friend you are blessed beyond measure.

It is like double trouble *lol*
Like no man you cannot be disabled and be a lesbian (or in my case pansexual) but I will use lesbian because I am sort of, kind of one  and because I will be talking about the side of me that desires and lusts over women.


Anyway I was on some other lesbian group and this girl had posted: ”guys do you think we have disabled lesbian?”I wanted to jump off my chair and slap her silly for being so ignorant and shallow.A part of me wanted to be a “troll” and be nasty but then I thought of my own shit and my own difficulties dating women. I thought “maybe she is genuinely asking” because I am starting to feel like the only disabled woman in the world who’s attracted to other women. Maybe it is because many disabled people lack the confidence to say ‘hey I am disabled and gay”…

I get them. Society is quick to shut down and marginalize people because we live in such a vain and shallow world. This makes it hard to come out because many women look at you and think sex. As much as lesbians always deny this and act like they are really not that into sex, they are!

They tend to look at you and think three things:

1: She never get’s horny so how in the world are we ever going to fuck?!
2: She must be an invalid and I cannot take that much responsibility.
3: She’s emotionally damaged and therefore comes with a lot of issues and garbage.

I have had women say shit like ”wow I didn’t know sex with you was going to be like that considering the fact that you in a wheelchair!”

Things like this used to hurt me, I would feel so insulted and automatically want to defend myself and start shit but I have since learnt to smile and take it as a compliment because not many women are exposed to such things.

Once I had a friend tell me ”yho! You are double trouble, lesbian and disabled…which one to pray for first?” Another ignorant one, poor thing.
I mean who gets to be lesbian? The skinny and tall? The chubby? The rich? Who? I mean my god! Who gets to be in a lasting and happy relationship with a woman? I ask this because it sure feels like double trouble all right from where I am standing, oh no no from where I am sitting.

My optimistic nature gets defeated really because sometimes the logic behind some of these things is hidden and a total mystery to me.

Then by luck or nature’s silly sense of humour a lesbo approaches you and wants to take you on a date but she’s not your type…aha! Yes! We do have types too; I mean we are human after all. Then you feel like you need to settle because “shame she is different” unlike that yummy sexy lady you wanted who ignored you so hard until you pinched yourself and even slightly doubted your existence.
You go on a date with this brave, not-so-good-looking lady, you appreciate and admire her only to find out she’s a bigger asshole because after all this she expects sex from you on that first date.
Yes! You are horny but not desperate even though you haven’t been screwed for (maybe) months or years! *Lol*

Yes! It would’ve been lovely to get screwed until your numb ass can’t sit on your chair for long because you have a swollen clitoris and a painful vagina from all the mind-blowing sex, but heavens please!

She then tells you once you refuse to give it up …”I was doing you a favour.” What the fuck?!

So you see? The settling part is a pain in the ass because people can still get all “assholey”.

I know that out there exist disabled lesbo women who are appreciated, loved, pampered and fucked till they are blue. Oh how I’d love that! They have partners who’d do anything for them, who see beyond the chair or crutch or whatever.

God bless you all may you never change because the world needs more of you.

Then there are the vain and egotistic ones who dismiss you without even finding out one thing about you or they may be interested but scared of what the society will say.

To them I say broaden your mind for heaven’s sake! After all spunk and splendor comes in many many packages and I happen to posses all of that swag.


For this and more from Thulie Love check out Inkanyiso.

For more stories on sexuality check out Queer by not Always here: Problems of Pansexuality and Ten Confessions of a Demisexual and What Team Do I play For? Doesn’t Matter I Play to Win.

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  • avatar
    nawa mbangweta
    14th Oct 2013 - 1:03 pm

    This well written Thulie. many times people think us in wheelchairs are some sort of weird beings and do not deserve to enjoy things like sex or going out. I too have had girls that have just gone like Oooh……what for? and i almost turned into an animal but my sixth sence told me they do not have an Idea of what they are talking about. you such a good writter,keep up the good work. lets tell it as it is.

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  • avatar
    28th Oct 2013 - 7:46 pm

    i am on crutches myself and i totally get this and love it !!

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  • avatar
    16th Nov 2013 - 1:21 pm

    Firstly, great article. Not a lot of people like to talk disability issues – in general – but specifically in the LGBTIQ spaces, so thanks for having the swag to do so in such a frank and empowering manner. As a fellow queer woman with a physical disability who has written, talked and shouted inclusion in queer spaces, I ask you to please keep on writing because we all our voices to unite and fight ignorance and discrimination.
    I was blessed that my first sexual partner had no qualms about my disability; in fact she saw it as an exciting (for us both) experience that just meant approaching things differently. We did have an extremely strong emotional connection and talked through our fears and insecurities beforehand. YAY for honest, real communication – it totally works.
    On the other hand, I’ve also been involved with and met women who were completely uncomfortable with my disability and couldn’t seem to see past it. I’ve learnt over the years that although it hurts sometimes, it truly is their loss. Those knock backs of rejection have only made me stronger and learn to love myself first and not need to seek affirmation in another person or relationship. It’s tough. Having a disability and dating is trying at the best of times. When you add same sex attraction into the mix, we’re talking a tricky minefield. Despite this, love is always possible, sex is never off the cards and you are always enough, no matter how low you feel sometimes during heartache or lonely periods.

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