Things I wish I told you before you came out
- You never ‘got in’ so don’t come out and don’t you dare try to justify why you need to be who you are. Fight to be equal instead, it’s imperative that humans understand that you too are human. Beautifully so. Teach them to co-exist, don’t force you existence into their lives, they don’t force theirs onto you. You don’t live for them, but you do live with them.
- You are not a gender inside another gender. You are a soul that loves many other souls embedded in human bodies. Don’t be labelled more than who you are and do not follow a stereotype. You are you and that’s it.
- Love. Love is the tool that attracts you to anything you want to experience and that is what you are here for, to experience yourself in all the ways you could ever be yourself. Love makes everything you are attracted to more than what it is. A friend of mine once said “Love is intensity” So do not fear to love yourself and anything you wish to become. You may be nervous, but do not fear. Fear is the alter ego of love. It is the knowledge of what the depths of love can create and the one thing that will never allow you to grow. Nerves are a projection of care. What am I saying? Love yourself with preservation, love enough to know what you are worth and give yourself to everything that allows experiencing the best of you, even if it is bad. It’s the only way to know what good is.
- Don’t judge anyone by label, colour, stereotype, sexuality or standard of living. The vicious cycle of prejudice through labels and stereotypes within the LGBTIQ realm is unnecessary. Try be tolerant and lenient with others as you would them to you.
- Have ambition. View yourself in a bigger shadow. Chase it, whatever it is. An inexperienced life is a waste of a million breaths never to be seen again. Study something, look for a job, play sports, be an artist, a doctor, anything you dream of. Your sexuality is only but a piece of yourself, there’s so much more out there awaiting you.
- Live like you are dying tomorrow. Live in the moment, the precious moments that pass every second.
- Treat yourself and others with respect. Just because you’re gay, doesn’t mean you should look after your health and respect the health of others. If your parents do the right thing and accept your sexuality, it doesn’t mean you can treat them anyhow. Pull up your pants, don’t bring different girls home. Never confuse sacrifice/compromise for a right to be an untouchable.
- Being gay is not hard, living as a gay person is. Whatever the challenges are, always stay true to yourself.
Live your life without regrets and resentment, afterall, it’s yours and you have the right and honor to live it the way you want. So in short, just live
For more about coming out check out this piece on tips for if you decide to come out and this one on coming out as STEM and another story from Ethiopia. Also here is one about a nigerian woman coming out to her doctor.
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