Slut with anxiety

Slut: – A person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.

I want a “slut” sweatshirt. Just like Amber Rose’s. I want mine to read “Slut with Anxiety” to honor the situationship between my sex life and social phobia. The good and the ugly, because good is well…good. And the ugly made me grow.

The thing about social phobia is that it fills you with dread, the constant idea that people are constantly watching, judging and disapproving of your actions. You would think that knowing that this fear is irrational would ease it, but it does not, instead it takes jabs at one’s self-esteem and makes social interaction quite draining let alone trying to get laid.

The Ugly.

Mutual crushes that never went past lingering sultry glances because I was afraid if I approached the object of my desire they would be notice I stumble over words and trip on my own feet. Dates that never came to be because after picking out the perfect lingerie I would then envision the 101 ways sex would go wrong.

I could break the bed;

They would get muscle cramps trying to give me an orgasm;

They could get turned off by my loud moaning;

I could get my periods halfway through; I could get a panic attack  

Yada yada yada, and the list goes on.  The “it’s all in your head” gaslighting crew with all the best intentions.

The Good.

The understanding in a lover’s eyes when I am too distracted by ghosts of past experiences to enjoy sex. Interesting, informative, political and sometimes downright humorous pillow talks on sex and mental health. On point memes about anxiety lol!

The intersection of our sexuality and mental wellbeing is an important one, starting from the psychological benefits we get from sex to how our mental condition can be an impediment to our pleasure. Yet the discussion is almost always about the benefits… reduced stress, increased self-esteem, enhanced cognitive capacity, youth and beauty. What happens when you cannot get any of these from sex because your mind will not let you have sex in the first place?

Having a mental illness should not mean the loss of one’s sexuality.

However,  the reality is many people are struggling to strike a balance between the two because they do not have enough information and the support they need to address the challenges they may face. It can be particularly harder for minority groups, for instance, LGBTIQ+ persons who have to contend with the stigma and prejudice against them based on their sexual orientation and gender identity and also societal bias against mental health conditions which sadly can also be found in sex positive spaces. If we are going to talk mental wellbeing in relation to sex positivity, let’s delve deeper into both sides of the coin.

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Queer, genderfluid lover of words and all things feministing. Sonia Audi writes to find salvation. IG @queerdddo
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