I Should Have Known Earlier I Was Gay

By Rapunzel for Kenyan BabyDyke blog

Heteronormativity sucks, doesn’t it?

It feels nice to put a finger on what gears have been malfunctioning. Kenya being a heteronormative society puts a blind on some very core issues of people who identify as not straight. I for one did not have a clue as to why boys made me cringe. It was a reflex that came about when they touched me or for some just shaking of hands.

When I was in class three, I had identified the boy I would get married to. He had the same last surname as me which worked because I was not about to change surnames because of marriage. All this time I enjoyed hanging out with a specific girl, but not too much so as not to look creepy. I also had my grades to keep up with.

I rationalized to myself that I liked hanging out with her because she had cool snacks. Remember those jelly like snacks that came in different animal forms? She had those.

Now that I am older and look back at my life and decisions I made I feel stupid for not seeing all the signs. You know how I hated on people who knew who they were at 4 years old? I realised am one of those guys.

All the signs

I was four when I realized that Princess Diana was so pretty and was mad at whoever killed her. I had vowed to look for the person and kill them too. I refused to take the car accident BS they were serving us.

Sandra Bullock was my wife when I was 7.

My English teacher called teacher Ann was a total babe. When she fell during a teacher’s team sport, it bothered me so much that I had to speak to my aunt about it to get over it.

Kristin Kreuk who played Lana on Smallville was my ultimate goals, I watched smallville because of her.

I liked listening to girls tell me about their problems because I thought I could solve them and become their best friends.

I refused to wear dresses because they hindered how well I played bano and police & robbers. On Sundays, I would wear my Cinderella dresses just to show off how many layers it had.

I chose to cut my hair as I was preparing to go to boarding school.

There was this time Nini Wacera had a kissing scene on was it wingu la moto? And I was there for every bit of it.

There was a teacher called Madam Eunice who was so pretty but she beat me once and I stopped liking her because I felt betrayed.

Sarah Wayne Callies graced our screens as Sarah Tancredi and I lost my mind. Woman is sooo fine.

When I was in high – school, a classmate asked me what I would want my date to come dressed in if I ever went on a date. I wanted so bad to say a red dress with a thigh high slit but I could not so I said a suit. She laughed at me…a lot.

Kalinda Sharma, Sarah Shahi and Nicole Beharie are my wives, we are not going to debate about this.

Mozhan Marno is the real reason I watch The Blacklist.

I got mad when I realized that Scarlet Ortiz, when she was playing Maria Clara in Secreto De Amor, really kissed that Carlos Raul dude. She was my South American Wife

How many wives do I have now?

Lol.

Juliana Kanyamozi is a queen.

Scenarios that sealed the deal.

I was shown a sexy picture of Lance Gross and all I could say was ‘by the way, have you guys ever seen his teeth? They are so white and perfect’ Everyone just looked at me as if I lost my mind. I had to throw in the ‘he looks like a Greek god’ thing that has helped me out majorly.

I danced with men when I went out. I hated every single moment of it. I then happened to dance with a girl and everything clicked. I had to do a quick check and went back to dance with a man and my innards curled in a bad way. I had to leave the party because I was not ready to admit what I had felt.

So I went home and watched the L Word and now Jeniffer Beals is my essence.

Do you have any signs you might have missed when you were younger that blew your mind?

If you would also like to guest post on Kenyan Baby Dyke, you can mail her at babydykeke@gmail.com

For more articles on coming out and sexual identity awareness check out Things I wish i told you before i came out  and The Closet is Not Your Friend part 1 and part 2 , 

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