I Should Have Known Earlier I Was Gay
By Rapunzel for Kenyan BabyDyke blog
Heteronormativity sucks, doesn’t it?
It feels nice to put a finger on what gears have been malfunctioning. Kenya being a heteronormative society puts a blind on some very core issues of people who identify as not straight. I for one did not have a clue as to why boys made me cringe. It was a reflex that came about when they touched me or for some just shaking of hands.
When I was in class three, I had identified the boy I would get married to. He had the same last surname as me which worked because I was not about to change surnames because of marriage. All this time I enjoyed hanging out with a specific girl, but not too much so as not to look creepy. I also had my grades to keep up with.
I rationalized to myself that I liked hanging out with her because she had cool snacks. Remember those jelly like snacks that came in different animal forms? She had those.
Now that I am older and look back at my life and decisions I made I feel stupid for not seeing all the signs. You know how I hated on people who knew who they were at 4 years old? I realised am one of those guys.
All the signs
I was four when I realized that Princess Diana was so pretty and was mad at whoever killed her. I had vowed to look for the person and kill them too. I refused to take the car accident BS they were serving us.
Sandra Bullock was my wife when I was 7.
My English teacher called teacher Ann was a total babe. When she fell during a teacher’s team sport, it bothered me so much that I had to speak to my aunt about it to get over it.
Kristin Kreuk who played Lana on Smallville was my ultimate goals, I watched smallville because of her.
I liked listening to girls tell me about their problems because I thought I could solve them and become their best friends.
I refused to wear dresses because they hindered how well I played bano and police & robbers. On Sundays, I would wear my Cinderella dresses just to show off how many layers it had.
I chose to cut my hair as I was preparing to go to boarding school.
There was this time Nini Wacera had a kissing scene on was it wingu la moto? And I was there for every bit of it.
There was a teacher called Madam Eunice who was so pretty but she beat me once and I stopped liking her because I felt betrayed.
Sarah Wayne Callies graced our screens as Sarah Tancredi and I lost my mind. Woman is sooo fine.
When I was in high – school, a classmate asked me what I would want my date to come dressed in if I ever went on a date. I wanted so bad to say a red dress with a thigh high slit but I could not so I said a suit. She laughed at me…a lot.
Kalinda Sharma, Sarah Shahi and Nicole Beharie are my wives, we are not going to debate about this.
Mozhan Marno is the real reason I watch The Blacklist.
I got mad when I realized that Scarlet Ortiz, when she was playing Maria Clara in Secreto De Amor, really kissed that Carlos Raul dude. She was my South American Wife
How many wives do I have now?
Juliana Kanyamozi is a queen.
Scenarios that sealed the deal.
I was shown a sexy picture of Lance Gross and all I could say was ‘by the way, have you guys ever seen his teeth? They are so white and perfect’ Everyone just looked at me as if I lost my mind. I had to throw in the ‘he looks like a Greek god’ thing that has helped me out majorly.
I danced with men when I went out. I hated every single moment of it. I then happened to dance with a girl and everything clicked. I had to do a quick check and went back to dance with a man and my innards curled in a bad way. I had to leave the party because I was not ready to admit what I had felt.
So I went home and watched the L Word and now Jeniffer Beals is my essence.
Do you have any signs you might have missed when you were younger that blew your mind?
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