HOLAA in a Hot Spot: Advice on not being able to eat your partner’s pussy and dealing with a pregnant girlfriend

HOLAA in a Hot Spot, advice, HOLAAfrica, HOLAA, ithongo musings

‘HOLAA in a Hot Spot. Answering all your burning questions so life doesn’t show you flames.’ To submit your question click here.

Dear HOLAA hot spot,

Me and my girlfriend have been together for awhile now and I know that, before me, she had always been with men. A few months ago she confessed she had a one night stand with someone and now she has told me she is pregnant. I have NO idea what to do. Firstly am I hurt by the cheating but also, am I ready to be a parent? Would I be a parent? What should I do?

Pending parent, Kenya

Dear Pending Parent,

Before we get to the advice giving, I wanted to start off by saying that I am so sorry this is happening to you. The pain of betrayal and broken trust can be devastating and I am so sorry you are going through this.  In terms of parenting, this is a conversation you need to have with both yourself and your partner simultaneously. You need to decide for yourself if you want to parent this child (of which you can most definitely decide not to because you did not decide as a couple to have this baby), but you also need to hear what your partner wants and needs with regard to the pregnancy and the baby when they come. She, or both of you, will also need to figure out which role the father will play, if any role at all.

In all this, and perhaps before you even think about the baby, you need to deal with the infidelity and give yourself time and space to heal.

All the best.

***

Hi HOLAA in a Hot Spot expert,

I have a problem. I can’t go down on my girlfriend, whom I have been with a year, but every time I see my ex we have sex and I go down on her. I wish I knew why but this is just how it goes. Why is this happening and how can I fix this?

Please help,

Horny and Hungry, Namibia

Dear Horny and Hungry,

I am a big believer that when we say ‘I don’t know why’, we actually do know, we’re just afraid of or aren’t ready for the answer. Be gentle with yourself, but allow yourself to really process how you feel and why you feel that way. Once you have, and are comfortable with the answers, then you can decide how to proceed. Also, going down on some people and not others isn’t necessarily something that needs fixing. Kissing some pussy don’t mean you gotta kiss ‘em all. But perhaps continuing to go down on your ex is not a good idea if you are breaking the trust between you and your current partner.

Amanda and others are here to answer your questions on the podcast, videos or right here on the site so submit them here. For more about HOLAA in a Hot Spot click here.

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Anything and everything I do comes from a place of blackness, queerness, feminism and most importantly love :) All round badass and lover of words, written and read. Check out Amanda on IG: manda_hodge
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