Healing words for a broken heart: Therapeutic words after a toxic relationship

Queering The Cloak, abuse, intimate partner violence, HOLAAfrica

By Nyar Afrika

*Trigger Warning: physical and sexual assault

The moment you finally get out of a toxic relationship, you will take a deep breath and let go. You will constantly cry because of the emptiness you feel in your heart and at times, you will find yourself wanting to go back to them because they are the only thing you know. They used to beat you up, kick you in the stomach or emotionally manipulate you but you will you still think you love them. To some extent this can be true but maybe, just maybe, you are missing how it felt being with them. Maybe, you are missing the familiarity of having them around. You are missing the rare occasions where happiness was prevalent and you thought to yourself that they had changed and you should stay and give them another chance.

The moment you finally get out of a toxic relationship, a new you will be born. You will look at the world from a different angle, a totally new perspective, from the one you had before. You will take deeper breaths and revel in your new found freedom. You will look at the world with knowing eyes and be more sensitive to your surroundings. You will appreciate the chirping of birds or even relish the silence that comes with staying in on a Sunday.

You will read books. You will meet new people. You will discover your talents. You will come up with different recipes for how to cook your favourite meal. You will become more astute to the needs of your body. You will embrace yourself.

You will allow yourself to be birthed again.

The moment you finally get out of a toxic relationship, you will stop ignoring how strong you are and start acknowledging your strengths, both inner and outer ones. You will feel like the world is and the whole universe is conspiring against you. You will be sad. You will be down. You will let yourself lose hope but in the middle of it all, you will discover that you are human and you will allow yourself to be you again. You will let yourself go with the flow of the universe. You will thank the stars for saving you. You will be thankful for the 3 Am coffees and the countless times you broke down in the middle of doing up task because you would allowed yourself to purge the emotions that are eating you up alive.

When all this happens to you, one thing will remain unchanged,

You will live….

You are much stronger than you think. ❤

© Nyar Afrika 2017

Nyar Afrika loosely translates to daughter of Afrika. She is a 21 year old queer non-conformist writer from Kenya.
Facebook: NYAR Afrika
Twitter: @NyarAfrika
Instagram: @beryl_opiyo

This piece forms part of  the #QueeringTheCloak series which is part of a larger project exploring sexual, emotional and physical violence in queer women spaces on the continent.  The project seeks to essentially ‘pull back the cloak’ on shame and silence around this violence.

For all the articles and pieces on #QueeringTheCloak click here.

There is so much information out there such as an article on 11 Signs You Are being Gaslight in a relationship and another 10 things the author learned from someone using gaslighting as an abuse tactic.  There is also another piece on how to support a victim of woman on woman sexual assault. For more on supporting people here is a piece on supporting someone in abusive relationship and also a piece where the woman says At least she didn’t hit me”. There is also a piece by a woman who writes a letter to her ex abuser’s new girlfriend. Also some healing words for after the relationship is done.  There is also this piece about the theatre piece we did on the topic and another story entitled Wanja about a woman who leaves an abusive relationship. There is also this one about missing your abuser

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Posts from the magical women and gender non conforming people around the African continent. To have your voice on the site email submissions@holaafrica.org with your submission, title of piece and name you want to be published under. For inquiries email info@holaafrica.org. All rights remain with original authors.
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