Diary of a Queer Ghanaian: It happened again (I fell for another straight woman)
By Boateng Boateng
Let’s start from the top. ‘When are you settling down?’ he asked. ‘I’m so tired of them, Ekow. There’s no point to all this. I’ll just stay single.’ I told him. This was a conversation with a friend a week and a bit before I laid eyes on her. There was something about her which kept her on my mind for the longest time. Like how she would purse her lips when in deep thought or how her lips moved whenever words came out of it. And she did simple things which made me want to fuck her brains out, like when she rapped or danced when driving or whenever she said ‘my car is conspicuous’.
And she’s left handed and that automatically made her a 10.
It could or could not have been love but it was something special I felt. I never learn. I love them straight, I love them mean and I love them unrelenting. I love to watch them break their rules. I get a rush off watching them question their values, morals and sexuality. Most importantly, it’s just like I love them breaking my heart. That is the thrill of the chase!
I swear I wasn’t delusional. I knew she was feeling me. What I felt was real. Maybe we moved too fast and maybe we didn’t. Maybe the pressure from me was too much and maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she wanted to kiss me as much as I wanted to kiss her. Just maybe, I didn’t force her to kiss me. All I know is, after it happened I knew it was one of the most magical kisses of my life. I felt a whole fucking lot.
Then it started, as they all start. She went off on me and when asked if she liked me, ‘no’ was what she said. I hurt anytime I think about that because I feel in a way she didn’t trust me and believe in us enough to give us a chance. Give us time to find out what this could be. She told me I was a girl and that was my only problem. In all honesty I knew this wouldn’t go anywhere before it started, I just didn’t know she would try this hard to make sure it didn’t.
We are still good friends now, even though I fight an internal battle everyday to lose these feelings I have. Oh, the jealousy which engulfs me when I see her with other guys, Jesus Christ.
I fell for another straight woamn, I got heartbroken again and it was more like she was in a hurry to do it. I let it happen again, damn, I let it happen again!
Check out this piece that says you shouldn’t freak out because you are attracted to a woman, this piece about how straight women should not say they are about to go gay when relationships with men fail and this one about queerness and interaction with straightness in the Ghanaian community.
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