Healing, A Letter To Myself

Healing: the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

Mary Oliver declared that you should not give anyone responsibility over your life. Sitting here, I wonder how many times we did that. On how many occasions were we comfortable taking the back seat and letting someone lead, and how much that has affected where we are today. I know, a number of times, we were content handing over the reins to someone else. Balking away, shrinking ourselves at the first sight of confrontation. I know in the past, it was more important to be liked than to be heard.

The journey to healing for me looks like endless gentleness and kindness to myself. It looks like moments spent in front of the mirror, showering myself with declarations of love. It is repeating affirmations on the way to work, even the ones I find had to believe. Like ‘ I have enough money’ or ‘I am enough’. It is risking dislike by saying what I think. It is being brave enough to have thoughts and opinions that are entirely mine.

I am proud of you. For finding your voice, no matter how feeble it feels. I can see you, trying to pull and stretch at your new skin. Learning to walk with bolder feet. I know it feels weird, this assertive voice that feels nothing like you. I know you are still adjusting to walking with your head high, eyes no longer glued to the ground. I know it feels strange, the emptiness left by the voice that used to second guess your every move. But you are growing, you are flexing your wings. You are tapping into the source of magic that is your being.

You are healing.

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Attractive queer person keen on creating content. Kenyan born. Check them out on twitter @kenyanbabydyke
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