Duplicity pt. IV: The Roll (when it’s all over)
By Ali D. Collins
Cindy continues to stare into my watery eyes as her soft hands cuff my face, “Babe, where is all this coming from?”
“I haven’t been 100% honest with you, Cindy,” I say, struggling with my truth with a heavy chest.
“Zoey, I get it. You’re afraid of love. You think I didn’t get that? It all makes sense,” She caresses my cheeks with her thumbs. She chuckles softly “Zo, the reason why I haven’t left you is because I want to be by your side. Don’t you get it? I’m here to love you and not hurt you,”
As I am listening to Cindy, it becomes more difficult for me to tell the truth. She truly cares for me. Sadly, I feel the same way.
…but what I’m doing is selfish and unfair to my wife and Cindy.
Instead of confessing my wrongs to her at work, I will tell her later on tonight because of three reasons:
- We are in a professional setting.
- I wanted to have sex with her one last time before saying good-bye.
- She could flip out like Toy and beat my ass.
Telling Cindy, I am married at this moment can be detrimental to both of our futures here at the hospital. She softly smiles while drying my eyes. Remembering this moment of her true essence of being sweet and loving, I know tomorrow I won’t ever see this side of her again.
“Let me love you, Zo,” Cindy leans forward to kiss me, but then a doctor walks into the lounge to get some coffee. She draws her hands quickly and wait for her to leave. Once she left, we return back to being affectionate. “Tonight, come by my place around 9,” Cindy softly kisses my lips then leave the breakroom.
My chest remains heavy for the rest of the day.
Did I attempt to contact Toy throughout the day? Why wouldn’t I? She’s my wife. After 23 phone calls, I get her on the phone, Toy tells me to, “fuck off and go to hell with Cindy in the name of sin,” and to “pick up your shit because it’s over,”
Once my shift ends, I head to the gift shop and buy Toy a card with flowers and a balloon. I know making up will be a long process, so why not start today?
I head home and notice all of my belongings on the porch. After placing my things in my car, I knock on the door with a fluttered heart.
Who am I kidding? Of course she isn’t going to answer the door. I lay my peace offerings on our doorstep for her to see when she opens the door.
I prepare for one last night with Cindy as I make my way to her place. The thought of letting Cindy go feels like I saying good-bye to a kindred spirit. I don’t want to let go because she is an amazing lover and friend.
I have to let Cindy go because I love her.
As I approach Cindy’s door, there was a note that reads, ‘Open the door to my love.’ Once I open it, a trail of candles leads me as soft music guide me to Cindy’s bedroom.
On her closed bedroom door, a note reads, ‘Enter if you dare.’ With a heart at the bottom. I open the door as my eyes capture Cindy sitting in a chair, exposing her butter pecan brown thigh in a see through black laced teddy with black pumps.
As I enter in, she opens her legs slowly in the dim candlelit room. “Don’t I look appetizing?” she then told me to come here with one finger.
I walk closer to her as she softly moans then demands to get down on my knees. I give her intense eye contact as I do what was told then spread her lips with my fingers. “Bon appetite,” Cindy inhales through her teeth.
My eyes automatically close as I get sucked into Cindy’s world one last time. My tongue writes her a love letter as I think of how much I’ll miss what we have.
“Hmm, just like that,” Cindy cuffs my head. My hands migrate to her breasts, slowly groping them.
Cindy craves me;
And I crave her.
Cindy’s legs quiver as her hips gyrate upon my tongue uncontrollably. “Oooh, you feel so good,” she pants quickly. My mouth forms into a vacuum and suck her into to the edge of ecstasy. I look up as she watches me swim in her ocean. “I’m ready for you,” Cindy bites her bottom lip as she pulls my hair, distancing me from her essence.
Slowly, she gets up from the chair then wraps her arms around my neck, turning me around as the back of my knees touch the foot of the bed. Cindy pushes me down, and as she remains standing, groans “take off your clothes.”
I do what I am told. Deliberately, I ease out of my scrubs, exposing my orchid colored laced thong. Cindy kisses up my body; starting from my ankles, licking up to my calves and then thighs. My eyes watch Cindy as her tongue travels up my body. She nibbles on the inside of my toffee colored thigh as if she is hungry for my love.
My body oozes with desire as her lips graze over my pearl then up my core. “Mmmm,” I hold my breath to the anticipation. Her touch drives me wild as a tingling sensation erupts from between my legs. “Hmm you’re such a tease, baby,” I chuckle to stay composed as her hands travel all over my body.
Cindy continues to run her tongue over my pelvic area, teasing me as my body jerks. Her mouth surprises me as she swallows me whole. I gasp as her tongue swims in my treasure box.
Our last ride to pleasure is memorable as she holds me close after our sexual desires are quenched. “I know you’re living a double life, Zoey,”
I hold my breath with nervousness, feeling exposed. Before I respond, Cindy says, “You don’t have to explain to me why you’re having an affair nor do I want to know anything about the other woman, but I want to know if you still love her.”
“Yes, I do.” I answer with a heavy heart as pain snaps me back to reality. I begin to weep like a baby as if the jig is up.
Cindy pulls back the covers then gets out of bed to put on her robe, “Good-bye, Zoey.”
I stop sobbing like a newborn baby then hold my legs close to my body, “Cindy, please. I need you.”
“How long have I been your little secret, Zo?”
“I will tell you everything you need to know, just let me stay with you tonight,” I say as my bottom lip quivers from emotional pain.
“Your presence is not worth the heart aching truth. Did you truly think I was naïve? I’m out here looking stupid, Zo! This whole time I thought I was the only woman in your world and I come to find out, I’m the extracurricular activity in your life,” Cindy crosses her arms with impatience.
“You don’t understand, Cindy,” I justify.
“What’s not to understand, hmm? Let me guess, you’ve fallen out of love with your woman and suddenly you fell for me, right?” Cindy chuckles from crying. I can tell she is heartbroken as she hides emotions through rolling her eyes.
“No, I’ve always had feelings for you, baby. You understand me more than she does; you say the right things when I’m up or down; you understand my career and you are ambitious. I love these aspects of you, Cindy,”
“If you feel this way about me, then leave her and be with me.” Cindy cuts to the chase and she stands her ground.
I love Cindy, but I’m not choosing her over my wife. “Cindy, I’m sor…” I dry my eyes and make the decision to not leave Toy for Cindy.
“No, Zo. Spare your bullshit words of an apology. If you were sorry, you would have never put me in this predicament. I would go on about you hurting me and how my trust for you is beyond repair, but I’m not giving you the satisfaction. I’ll let karma fuck your shit up. Get out.”
I never thought breaking hearts would feel this bad. Hurting two women that I love and care for breaks my heart. As I cry silently, I get out of bed and put on my clothes because I know this means good-bye. Meanwhile, the thoughts of my wife brings an abundance of heartache.
Everything hits me at once as I feel the impact the two women have on my duplicitous life. I fell in love with two astonishing women with hearts of pure gold. My underhanded ways melted their hearts into something that was less valuable.
It is hard to say good-bye to both of them.
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