Labels and Strap-ons: Questions from a Baby Dyke

Before I get into this post, quick detour. I have two new favorite things. The first is Arielle Scarcella, my new fave queer YouTuber.

The second is New York Girls, my new favorite Lesbian show. The story line is solid, the production quality is great (save for some sound problems is Season 1) and the characters…

Damn. They are so pretty.

The writer(s) resisted the temptation to have only stud-femme relationships and blessed us with some femme-femme relationships. And unlike other series I’ve seen, the acting is passable and it’s not dreary to watch. The sex scenes aren’t as good as LLNY (yet) but they do get better in season 2. I think they were trying to be pretty PG.

Now, aside from teaching me new slang, the series roused some questions that I’ve always had bubbling under the surface. We all know by now that I am a baby dyke and there is still a lot I am trying to figure out.

So be patient as I ask these questions and hopefully give me some answers? (Editor’s Note: feel free to do so in the comments)

My first question has to deal with labels. I know that, at least for me, labels don’t define a person. They just serve to categorize. Plus, people often spill through the edges of the labels. But I have been wondering lately, what’s the difference between stud, dyke and butch? Are some of these terms considered derogatory in the queermunity?

Secondly, when strapping is happening, does the strapper experience any pleasure from it? Especially if it’s not a double sided strap? Or is it about giving pleasure to the strapee? Also, is there any pleasure derived from having the strap/dildo/toy being sucked? Or is it a power thing. Clearly, we can now tell that my knowledge of toys is wanting.

I’d like to think toy etiquette is much like sex etiquette. You know, consent is key and so is communication. That I’m quite clear on. I’d really like some clarification on the slang and the strap on areas.

Check out Baby Dyke on Twitter and also make sure you slide over to her blog Baby Dyke.

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To submit to HOLAA! email submissions@holaafrica.org

There is also this piece about The Sex Problem, looking at different ways of having and understanding sex and one’self through one night stands. There is also this piece about the journey to using a strap on called ‘ I thought she wanted me to be a man.’

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