Voyeurism (n.) the practice of obtaining sexual gratification by looking at sexual objects of acts, especially secretively.
Being a grown up means you learn things about the world and over the last few years I have learned a few things I am (and am not) into. I have always been into cream, whipped and iced. I did a little more exploration and I found I am into forms of sensory deprivation, for example being blindfolded and with headphones on is something I find wildly exciting. I would not say no to a silk tie or some handcuffs. Heck, I am even partial to a little light spanking, nothing too wild, my pain threshold is not ‘nipple clamps and horsewhip’ high.
Another is the act of watching people namely what those in the know call ‘Voyeurism’.
On an intellectual level it is fascinating, on a societal level being so close to porn it is somewhat taboo and on an erotic level it is absolutely intoxicating.
The definition above loses me on two points however.
Number one: the sexual objects and number two secretively. Objects hold no sexual pull for me.
Number two: I have no interest in those I am watching not knowing I am there.
Personally part of the thrill is based in the knowledge that show is partly for me. Thinking of it like this has, for me, an element of power to it whilst also having an element of being subservient. It is about you without ever really being about you.
The pull is heightened in the notion of two women having sex, because despite having been with my girlfriend for five years, sex between two women still feels like it holds a great deal of mystery to me.
The years have taught me that I have only begun to scratch the surface.
When I was much younger, much more naïve (and far more drunk than I am now), I watched two friends have sex. It happened one night whilst we were all celebrating the end of the school year with a wild and out trip to the beach. An afternoon of drinking and card games ended with two of my homies disappearing whilst the rest of us made preparations to go out that night. I went looking for them because guest list would not last forever and the club would not go to itself.
My search for these two found them in one of the houses many bedrooms half naked and fully all over each other.
My instinctive need to hand out rebukes was restrained and for once I was sufficiently silent, and chose to instead sit on the chair by the bed and watch. My shock at two of my (supposedly straight) friends engaging in what could only be described as a rather wild, almost frantic sexual engagement gave way to the overwhelming need to stay and experience this.
Initially, I won’t lie, I was curious. How was this going to actually play out? Would they even know what to do? What did women do when they were alone, wanting each other and seemingly, extremely horny? Was this going to be like porn?
The scientific notion is that observation changes reality, Quantum theory 101 states that the very act of observing a reality, changes it. In this case what was initially a drunken fumble became an increasingly choreographed dance after a while of sitting there and watching them. After realising I was there the moans got a little louder, touches and caresses became a little more deliberate and less grabs at anything exposed.
Everything became more intense.
There were moments where one of them would look directly at me, but mostly I was ignored, seemingly a non-entity for the most part, them settling into something that had been brewing for a long long time.
I was more of a nice side rather than the main dish, the pleasure they derived from each other was clearly the focus. It all culminated with one of them going down on the other,
And it was nothing like porn. My mind went, nine years later still does go, blank. It was amazing, sensual and absolutely delicious. So good to this day I can still taste the experience. In fact the memory has stayed with me for so long I chronicled the experience a few years later. Once in a while I pull it out from the memory bank when I masturbate.
We never spoke of it again, but we all know it happened and we all know it was exhilarating, and probably one of the most sexually enchanting things that will happen in our lives. That is why the need for my presence in this whole thing needs to be known.
There is something absolutely delicious to know that the way you just moaned, the way that you just arched your back the fact that you are as wet is partly because of me. Even if I am only watching, It important to note that faking it will not cut it, because then it’s just a show and I am not about that life. If I want that I can go find porn.
Pleasure is paramount here.
As with anything you must define things for yourself. For me the act of watching other people having sex must be an exchange. A constant back and forth in which one gives pleasure and derives it. If that’s not happening you are doing something wrong in my opinion. Thus simply peeing at someone having sex is whack because they derive nothing from it. Sex is a two way street, always. Even if your are not actively doing something your presence in a space will always be a factor, so make it a good one. Voyeurism can also teach you a thing or two, sometimes observation is the best teacher.
This post was first published in Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women.
For more of that kinky vibe check out Heat in a Head Space, Four Women One Continent and this little one about Reuniting with a lover. There is also Do you want to lick me: Pt II and Three women, a bottle and sunny place, Summer Dungeon Nights. There is even some poetry: ‘I want Sex’ and Joy. There is also a piece about period sex (sex on your period, just in case you wondered).
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