By Hamda Lawal
I do not really consider myself as someone that has a high sex drive. I figure that I enjoy sex as much as the next woman, but then a pattern has emerged. When I started dating people, and freaky times roll around, after the first couple of steamy sessions I would usually be asked;
“Are you always like this?”
Or a variance of the question.
It is not necessarily said in a judgey tone, sometimes it is with worry other times it is like pleasantly surprised, of the turned on variety.
I never thought the way I enjoy sex was anything special until I started having sex with people other than myself. I imagined with women it would be different, maybe because I spend a lot of time reading sex positive blogs (written by women of course) that focus on chakras and multiple (and different types of) orgasms, squirting etc.
So it was interesting that my reality turned out different.
A woman I dated in the past was amazed that I did not feel sleepy after I came and that I would want to orgasm again and again. She thought that was strange. In her words, she had never met a woman who did not want to sleep after she orgasmed.
Naturally at first I felt odd, in the back of my mind though I reassured myself that I could not be that rare a type of person.
At the threshold of a new relationship, I wonder if my “high” sex drive will affect things. The sex is great but I want it to last longer and she is saying she is tired and I can’t be too greedy because she has already made me come like twice. But as time goes, I slowly realise that sex drive differences may not be such a big deal.
After all, she’s putting me in new positions, she is fucking me with what I can only refer to as earnestness. She does not make me feel like I am using her as a sex slave, but the way she looks at me lets me know that she is thrilled that I want her this much. So I am not really bothered that we don’t have marathon 8 hour long sex sessions all the time.
I am also not worried that she’d get paranoid.
However sometimes liking sex and showing it can lead to a whole host of complications. If you happen to be dating someone insecure she may end up feeling like you are using her for sex. You may find yourself being asked:
“How come you always want to have sex when I am around?”
or the more frank,
“I feel you are using me for sex.”
The water gets hotter when she starts suspecting you of cheating, thinking that you with your high sex drive cannot be satisfied by her sexing.
The thing is, for me, I feel that my body betrays me in some ways. I get horny often but it is really hard for me to enjoy sex with someone I am not familiar with. When I have sex with strangers what should be a tsunami is a puddle of water. Basically all my hook-up dreams were dashed and not for lack of trying.
Some people I know believe in controlling their urges. I once met a woman who refused to masturbate because she thought it would be “giving in” and preferred to resist the urge when it came around and there was no one to have sex with.
I am the complete opposite of that. I give in, not only to sexual urges but also to my emotions.
If I feel sad, I don’t try to hold back the tears, I let my feels come through and run their course. Maybe this is an effect of me holding back in the name of pleasing other people/not causing a scene/not wanting to be labelled irrational for most of my life, maybe not. But now my modus operandi is if I am in a relationship with someone who gives it to me the way I like it, then of course I’d want more.
Call me Olivia Twist.
So if I feel horny, I will have sex with my lover-woman. When she is not around, I will indulge in self-love. Sometimes the horny creeps into my dreams and I find myself having intense orgasms while I sleep. It happens and it is not because of a spirit husband or wife.
Whoever is like me out there, you are not alone.
For more on sex in relationships check out the story An Aggressive Apology, How To Win At Open Relationships (pts I, II and III) and also Sex and curiosity: The Fantasy on the other side of straight
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