By Ruth Achieng’
Our meeting…. It was so odd.
Struggling with depression and having to hide from everyone else. It was hell. I felt very lonely even though I had “friends” everywhere.
I wanted something more, I longed for something more, even though I would never have admitted this back then. To everyone, I was happy being with different girls every other fortnight. But truth is I was not.
I wanted someone I could cherish. No offence to my past lovelies but they just didn’t make the cut.
She was around, for about two weeks, I think, I have the worst memory, so it could be more… or less. She was added to our WhatsApp group, the usual hassling by members for the newbie to send a pic and all that jazz… she was beautiful, TeamMafisi were never to disappoint, right on her. I wanted to talk to her but I didn’t want to be seen as jumping on the band wagon. Everyone wanted her attention, people even forgot they had girlfriends who were members of the same group. She was never alone and so I never spoke to her and with time I got used to it. I got used to the idea that she was an elusive beauty and with all the attention she’d been receiving, I was sure that someone was already in her DM planning late night Saturday rendezvous, that lucky bitch.
Also I have a problem.
It’s too big and I liked her so much and it drove me insane but even with that, I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t slide in her DM, uninvited because I’m not the type. I despise that type and thus I wouldnt want to do it to someone else intentionally.
We had this silly culture in the group where we would make video montages of all the faces of the members of the group. We convinced ourselves that we did that solely for the benefit of new members, to ensure that they didn’t have to go around asking everyone for a picture, they just had to watch the video slide and would be able to instantly attach a face to the name. We had added new members, including her and thus the video needed updating. I had nothing else going on for me in my life and thus, I was the one who had time on my hands. Procedure followed that members were supposed to submit their Sunday best photos to me for those were the ones that would be seen by everyone else until the next update, as usual, some sent them via the group and some straight to my inbox. Making these videos was actually a thing I lived for, that’s how bad it was for me at the time.
On the second day of sending pics, an inbox notification pops up on my phone. Her Name. I saved almost every members number because I didn’t like surprises, I liked to be in the know. I had to take a moment to try remember if I knew anyone else by that name. I did but I hadn’t spoken to them in like two years.
My heart rate sky rocketed. I opened the message, it was really her. She wanted to tell me that she was going to send me her selected photo, she was just still deciding which one is most appropriate. I didn’t want to give my excitement away and come off awkward so I gathered all the chills available to me and even borrowed some from the future. My brain had never felt under so much pressure.
She was brilliant and very funny. Interacting with her was effortless, the only thing I had to do was keep up. Which was somewhat easy, or not. I mean, I like to think of myself as a relatively smart human being but for some reason, my brain cells deteriorated that day. I didn’t want to stop talking to her but my mind needed a break. The amusing thing is that all the while throughout the entire conversation, the original goal was never lost; photos.
She was having a hard time picking “The One”, I asked her to send some my way, maybe I could help, but I couldn’t. All the pictures she sent were “The Ones”, all of them. I actually contemplated adding all of them to the slide and then dare anyone to say shit to me. I was the Ad-motherfucking-min. Eventually I got back to my senses told her that there was one I liked the best but generally it was hard to settle on a single one because they were all awesome. Our flow of conversation was constant, unmerciful in its teasing tone. Playful and provocative.
A few more days of hours and hours of conversation and it was official, I was falling for her hard. Teasing had turned into flirting, even so, never once did I think or entertain the possibility of her feeling the same way. That would be too good to be true. She was out of my league, waaaaay out of my league, that much I could not deny. Flirtatious statements turned into flirtatious plans, I would call her and while my afternoons in the office away talking to her, she just sounded sexy, I was addicted. Her laugh, I loved her laughter the most, so hearty, so genuine and the teasing, the constant, never-ending teasing that I looked forward to everyday.
She wanted to meet me, she kind of liked me, I liked her very much, but no one else was to know, we would be friends on the surface. I must admit that it hurt a little bit. The girl of my dreams, that person I was finally ready to get tamed for, did not want to make our covert relations known to the rest of the public but I went with it anyway, she was too cool to lose over things as measly as feelings, my heart had to settle for that.
I remember, she used to be so straightforward, it actually scared the shit out of me sometimes. We met two days later and she told me straight up, that if we met and one person feels as though they’re no longer into the whole situation anymore or they feel as though, what the other person is isn’t really what they wanted then we were to let each other go immediately. We would simply cut contact. She would be dead to me and I to her. That kind of hurt, too.
But we met.
She was even funnier in person, her smile… I wanted to take her clothes off right there and then but I needed her consent because I didn’t know in what capacity I was meeting her in. Was it as a friend? A date? I did not know. What I did know though was that I was burning up inside, I wanted to touch her so bad. We were watching a movie, her suggestion but I wasn’t really paying attention. How could I?
She moved closer… and I felt every cubic millimetre of my blood turn hot. She leaned in to me, my heart travelled back to the genesis of time. I put my arm around her and she nestled herself into me, even closer. In that moment, I sure as hell was not paying attention to the movie. I wanted to kiss her but I didn’t know if she wanted me to.
But nothing came of that moment as apparently, I looked like I needed something to drink. The thirst was real, I was not interested in the Delmonte though, I wanted to drink from her, I wanted to taste her lips, I wanted them on mine. I longed for them.
I felt myself blacking out whilst simultaneously feeling like I was being rejuvenated. It was the strangest thing.
I turned slightly to face her, after she came back from the kitchen and slipped back into her previous position. I kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, “I can see your boobs” she laughed nervously as I continued, “may I see more?” Playfully and somewhat nervously at the same time, she responded, “Oh my God, you’re so naughty” I smiled at that. I think it was mostly due to relief that she hadn’t called the entire neighbourhood on my thirsty ass for sexual harassment. Technically, she hadn’t said no to my request of seeing her breasts.
She wore a beige (I think) chiffon top. I leaned my head down to her chest and attempted to unbutton her top with my lips, strangely enough this worked. She said that it was mostly because those buttons were already loose but I didn’t care, I had just opened unbuttoned a lady’s top with my mouth. She could have kicked me out at that moment and I wouldn’t have cared.
Okay maybe I would have cared a little.
There she was, in all her bra-full glory. I knew what I wanted next and If I couldn’t get around to kissing her, I would at least do something to calm my body the fuck down. I lowered my head again and begun pulling her breasts out of their enclosure with my mouth.
“What are you doing?” she asked, I looked up a little worried but she had a smile on her face. Fuck, that smile.
She excused herself and went to the kitchen. But this time, I wasn’t having any of it, I followed her and found her leaned against the wall, as though she was trying to regain composure. Perfect.
Slowly, I advanced closer to her, as she watched me. I was there, standing right in front of her, I placed my hands against the wall on either side of her. She looked up at me and I slowly moved my lips to her neck. My name escaped her lips, almost inaudibly and so I stopped. We were now just staring at each other. She then took my hand and guided it into her panties, placing right on her pussy.
“That’s what you’re doing to me” and with that she left for the living room, leaving me there, with a soaked hand, her scent on my fingertips.
I left the kitchen to find her sitting there, not purely at ease but not looking uncomfortable either. I sat down next to her… inched a little closer, tilted my head until our lips were brushing up against each other… she smiled shyly…. I never thought I would ever see her shy. I kissed her, she kissed me back, but then she pulled back, got up and held out her hand for me. I placed my hand in hers as she led me to her bedroom.
 Note: Consent is always about an active yes, not simply the absence of a no. Consent is KEY.
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