This one is for the timid girl, the naïve child. It is for the me of last year. The girl who was quick to say, “I don’t trust anyone” but still blindly gave her trust away like free hand-outs. The girl who got a stinging notice that the community she thought was hers just did not exist. The girl who now knows betrayal intimately.
How you’ve changed.
Some say there’s something about this year, 2016. That this is a year of change, of metamorphosis. You’re feeling that one hard. For someone who once took classes on how to be assertive, you’ve realised that was not necessary at all. Time and experience have drawn out your voice from the place it was buried deep within you in a way no formal experience could have. Last year, if someone made a blunder that cost you, you would have apologised on their behalf. You would have given a small smile in what you thought was compassion and understanding.
Now you have no issues demanding your dues.
Do not worry when your now smaller circle of trusted friends warns you that you are one step away from being a Queen Bitch. You will learn to apply moderation. Do you even realise how you’ve let people walk over you? How many times have you kept quiet when you wanted to be heard? How many times have you smiled sheepishly and nodded in consent when all you wanted to do was scream?
No, leave me alone! Stop pressuring me! You say you’re my friends, why can’t you respect my wishes?
Timid one, you have to learn to stand your ground. No vacillating, no ifs or buts, no promises of things you know you have no intentions of giving. For how long will you continue to buy people’s approval with your silence and discomfort? For how long will you bow to the pressure of others? If there is one thing I will tell you, speaking as your future self, it’s that it’s okay to change your mind. What is yours is yours. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Don’t feel the need to share a story you are not ready to darling. Remember that the only thing constant in life is change. Your story can change too, don’t question it. That’s fine. Don’t be afraid to tell people to go to hell when it’s called for. It’s always the brightest stars that people want to snuff out.
Shine on and be happy, never question yourself.
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