I think of you a lot.
I think long about all the sins I committed against you that required such heavy punishment.
I think sometimes that maybe there were no sins, and perhaps I am not being punished at all.
It has crossed my mind that you could just be one of those beings whose purpose is to make atheists believe.
Something like the gods, if you think about it.
What’s left inside me is a holy war between the believers who think you died and resurrected and will surely come again, and those who believe you never really existed.
You were a god to me
Powerful, wise, mighty, intense
I worshipped you, day and night
Your words were my doctrine
Your love gave me life
Your body was perfection
Your touch was pure ecstasy
My love for you was a righteous, holy fire
I started a religion around you
I spoke, and sang, and danced
I was a prophet in the wilderness
A raving fanatic
I preached tirelessly – in the streets, the markets, the bars
The whole village knew of and about you
Everyone could see that I had been touched by a mighty god
I took up arms when they spoke ill of you
I would have started a war for you – killed for you – died for you
You were everything to me
To die in your name would have been the greatest honor
Then, much like the gods, one day, you vanished
I woke up to pray and worship at your altar, and realized that I was alone
There I was, wearing my self-righteous piety, looking all right and holy
And you – nowhere to be found
I cried, and shouted, and prayed
I brought gifts, sacrifices, libations
This was my mistake
I should have known better than love a god
The gods cannot bear the tedium of humans
I was not the chosen one
The gods don’t have special anythings
They come, they take, and then they leave
The gods do not give a fuck
The god came, saw, took, and now has left.
All that remains, all there really ever was, was an atheist who had a funny dream.
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