Parts I and II of Duplicity.
By Ali D. Collins
Toy quickly rose from the floor then yell, “WHO THE FUCK IS CINDY?!”
I try to process the fucked up moment. As I look at Toy in her puffy bun and face filled with anger and disbelief, I prepare myself for her to do one or all of the following:
- Possibly beat my ass.
“Oh, you can’t hear now? WHO THE FUCK IS CINDY?!” Toy repeats then extends her hand towards my head; physically attacking me.
I dodge her hand, “She’s someone I work with,” I answer softly as if I am a kid talking to my mother.
“YOU FUCKIN’ HA?!” Toy ask in her thick New York accent. “Huh?! Are you fuckin’ this bitch??!” Toy draws her hand at me.
Why does she have to be a bitch?
“Toy…listen to me,” I block one slap, but take hit to the face.
She cries and wildly hits me while yelling, “I TRUSTED YOU; I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU…YOU FUCKIN’…” She continues to attack in full force.
I try to get off of the counter to calm Toy down as she continues to throw blows at my body. “LaToya, listen to me, baby…LISTEN!” I grab her arms.
“Get off me!” Toy yanks her arm away and pauses to collect her composure. “You got one minute to explain yourself, Zoey,”
“Cindy is someone I work with, baby that is all,” My heart races a mile a minute as I panic.
“Then why the FUCK you calling her name for? I swear if you lie to me…” She uses her body to threaten me.
I flinch. “Toy, she’s just a girl I work with, okay? I don’t know what I was thinking,”
“I know what you were thinking, you were thinking about her while we were making love. Stop acting like a dumbass and don’t play me like I’m one. THE LAST THING I AM IS STUPID, YOU FUCKIN’ HA!”
Should I tell the truth and fess up?
Do I continue to play dumb and:
I’m gonna deny my ass off.
I can’t lose my wife over another woman. We have been married for almost 5 years, what I look like giving up on us?
Toy leaves the bathroom to the bedroom. She goes into the closet and pull out my luggage to pack my belongings.
I go after her, “Baby…”
“Since you want to act stupid, take your stupid ass to that bitch Cindy’s house. Who the fuck you think you are, huh? I’ve been married to your ass for FIVE YEARS!” she throws the empty luggage on the bed, “…and you’re gonna cheat on me? You got me fucked up. Pack your shit and GO!” Toy demanded while pacing back and forth, trying to retain her emotions.
I walked towards her to attempt to kiss on her with apologies, but she pushes me away. “Toy, I love you. I’m in love with you and I don’t want anyone else BUT you. Come on, baby,” I beseech on the verge of tears. I see our eight-year relationship flash before my eyes as if it were my life.
“Zo, get away from me,” She avoids my kisses by moving her head side to side.
I try kissing on her neck and hugging her. “Zo, stop it…” She begins to cry.
I kiss down her naked core with desire and the need for her to forgive me. Even though I am having an affair with another, Toy is whom I choose to spend the rest of my days with. She is my beginning and end. She is a part of me and more. “I married you. I devoted my life to you…” I lick her navel. “I love you more than life itself, baby. I need you,” I draw her closer to me as if she is my air.
“Then look me in my eyes and tell me you didn’t have an affair…” Toy cease pushing me away.
I can’t look into my wife’s eyes and lie, so I don’t respond.
“You cheated on me…” Toy breaks down in tears as she fights me off once again. “You don’t love me…”
“I love you, LaToya. Look at me…” I get up from the floor and cuff her chin to focus on me.
“No, you don’t. You never did. You broke my heart,” Toy sobs with pain in her eyes.
My heart aches as I watch my baby fall to pieces before me. I lay her down on the bed and try to make love to her body and heart. Even though I didn’t confess that I am having an affair, LaToya already knew the answer.
“No, Zo…” Toy sobs while on the bed. She covers her face with her hands.
“I love you,” I gently run my tongue over her inner thigh. She raises up quickly as I follow the contours.
Suddenly, Toy slaps me. “I want you out, get out!”
Tears form in my eyes. “Toy…”
“Yo, real talk if you don’t leave…” Toy threatens as tears no longer fall from her high cheek bones.
I no longer have a choice to leave as she forces me out of our home with luggage flying out behind me. Walking to my car while trying to fight back tears, I take my pitiful ass to a hotel nearby. On my way there, all I can think about is our marriage.
Gosh, where did I go wrong?
Last year when I met Cindy, we immediately connected. We understood the life of being nurses and when I needed someone to talk to about my day, she could relate. Toy, couldn’t relate to the everyday problems I went through each day as a nurse, nor did she often actively listen. Sure, Toy caters to my body, but mentally I feel we had disconnected somewhere down the road.
Toy and I have lost our flame and I miss how it used to be.
I want it back, but things became complicated the moment Cindy and I started sleeping together. I fell in love with Cindy and now I’m in this fucked up love triangle.
Settling into my hotel room, my heart weighs heavy. I want to call Toy, but I know it would be counterproductive. Instead, I will take this time to figure things out as Toy breathes. For two days, I stay in my hotel room contemplating and evaluating my life.
Returning to work, I am physically present, but mentally I’m someplace else. As Cindy approaches me, I dread the interaction to end our relationship. I have taken this too far and because of this, I am about to lose my wife.
“Hey, baby are you okay?” Cindy discretely asks, standing on the other side of the front desk.
I swallow tears, “I’m alright.; just a lot on my mind,” I dig into my work by paying far too much attention to a patient’s file. In my distraction, I almost prescribe my patient the wrong medication.
Cindy catches my mistake, “Sgt. Michaels is allergic to penicillin,” she draws her head closer to me, “Hey,” she calls then looks around. I glimpse up as Cindy brushes hair away from my face and says, “I know you’re not okay because I can see it all on your face and I feel it,”
Tears well up as she takes my hand to lead me to the lounge as I almost emotionally break down. Once Cindy closes the door, she asks, “Baby? What’s going on, talk to me” I dread to say the words, “It’s over.” as I open my mouth, Cindy says, “Zo, I love you and I’m here. I promise I’ll always be on your side,”
“Cindy, you don’t deserve me.” I drop my head as tears stream down my face.
“Zo, I know you’re afraid to love, but baby I am here to love you past your fears,” Cindy assures as her gentle hands cuff my face then kisses my lips.
Telling her my truth became harder. “I don’t want you to,” I look away.
“W…what do you mean?” Cindy tries to connect eyes with me.
I sigh, dry my eyes and prepare to break her heart with my truth. I look down then into Cindy’s eyes, “We can’t do this anymore.”
For more on how to handle different types of relationships check out this piece on polyamory and open relationships, this piece asking if her sex drive scares you and this one on the different types of women you might date.
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