Always waiting

By Queen Vee

She left me with the words I’ll be back by eight. At the back of my mind I knew she was leaving for the night. That she was not coming back till morning.

What hurt the most was not that she left, but the fact that she didn’t even consider staying. I sat on the couch for two and a half hours, waiting for her to come back to me. I hoped that she would remember that she left me behind and come back for me.

Every time I heard footsteps I rushed to the window to see if this it was her and every time I came back with face in my hands. I started thinking of how things used to be before they were ‘complicated’. I thought of how we used to have mutual respect for each other. I thought of the days when our relationship knew no lies.

I wished she had told me the truth.

I could have handled it better than this lie.

She is by far the most manipulative person I know.

She manipulated her way into my heart and now she won’t get out. As I sat there on that cold Saturday night all I wanted to do was cry. I felt like she again had pierced my heart with a sharp knife.

All I wanted was for her to come home.

For her to hold me.

I knew she would never love me, not in this obsessed way I felt about her. So I thought to myself if I cried, why should I be crying? Could it be because I am in love with my best friend who does not feel the same way about me? Could I be crying because I miss her so much? Could I be crying because I have sex with her every other day hoping that she’d be more appreciative of me?

All these are reasons that I could have cried my lungs out for; in the past week I’ve cried more than I have ever cried in my entire life.

Another hour passes with me stuck to the couch, browsing over some poetry. Thirty minutes later I realise that she not coming home so I move to the bed. I wait there for another two hours tossing and turning, the wine I drank earlier already fading away. I decided to listen to some music so I play Bob Marley’s no woman no cry. I put it on repeat and it keeps me company the whole night.

She starts texting ‘babe, I’m caught up with the guys. Will be home soon’ and I replay ‘k’ . In this relationship this either means you do not want to talk to that person or you are being deliberately rude. She carries on texting ‘irritated?’.

I think around this time she already knew she wasn’t coming home for the night. I reply “a little.” I thought this would send her running, but I thought wrong. She still was nowhere near coming home. She waits a while and sends other texts. The one that got to my last nerve was when she said ‘c u in the morning’.

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