By Madame Butterfly/ @naijadesires
I get asked all sorts of questions as the owner of a small business Intimate Pleasures Desires of the Heart www.myintimatepleasureshop.com that caters to the provision of adult novelty toys for people in intimate relationships here in Lagos.
Adult novelty toys can be an exciting way to add some zing to your sexual life, whether using them by yourself or with others. However, there are several misconceptions that adult novelty toys are only used by people who choose to remain abstinent, do not currently have sexual partners, or by those in alternative lifestyles.
More often than not, the questions centre around, is it not sinful selling adult novelty toys? Are you not encouraging bad behaviour? People say you can get addicted to these things, is this true?
The myths and rumours are endless.
The truth is people of all persuasions use adult novelty toys. Some choose to use them when they are alone, on their sexual partners, or on themselves while partners are present.
Let me begin by first of all addressing why it is important to engage with adult novelty toys if you both choose to. The reality is that adult novelty toys can range from objects that tickle such as hand-held feather ticklers and to those that vibrate, to various products that are inserted into the vagina or anal passage.
There are many adult novelty toys that are meant to be used more gently, while others are used for sexual acts involving dominance and submission (BDSM) such as restraints, blindfolds, and whips. I am always amazed, at how shocked people are when they learn that there is a thriving BDSM community in Lagos, Abuja and in other major cities of Nigeria. Many of these individuals have often never left the shores of Nigeria.
Some examples of adult novelties are vibrators, feathers, dildos, harnesses, butt plugs, cock rings, and anal beads.
Our cultural reality and expectations of relationships means that it’s often hard to communicate our sexual desires to our partners effectively for men and women, especially when wanting to bring something into the relationship or try something new. Many of my customers have spoken of their partner acquiescing to visiting the website, but bulk at the idea of making any purchase. Sometimes, they can visit the website regularly for months before being bold enough to make a purchase. Whereas, others may feel threatened by the thought of having adult novelty toys added to their sexual life or they have stereotypes about who uses these toys. More often than not, the stereotypes are enough to ensure rigid compliance from both men and women as no one will want to be labelled as “loose”. The reality is very simple, there is no specific prescription for the kind of person or age of the person who uses or engages with adult novelty toys. We have served all sorts of people from the 70 years olds going on a special honeymoon before death comes calling to the newly weds looking to add that extra zing before the birth of their first child.
One thing is clear though, if you want to add adult novelty toys to your sexual life, you will need to adopt an honest and open communications strategy for your request to succeed with your sexual partner. Your partner really needs to understand where you are coming from, what you are interested in doing, and how you will respect their boundaries, in order for adult novelties to be a healthy, pleasurable part of your relationship.
Adult novelties, if part of a loving and committed relationship, can assist slow burning women to reach new found orgasmic heights.
You ask, how?
For those who have never experienced an orgasm before it is important to start small. This is where we get many of our emailed questions about whether getting a vibrating bullet would stimulate and massage the clitoral area enough for their partners to take over. Especially as many woman will have vaginal orgasms through stimulation of the clitoral area.
This is where the two can role play as Dr and sick patient. Need I say more than this?
Imagination is the key here.
A willingness to try something different and listening to each other’s needs is what will make this work. Forget because all eyes are not on you once your bedroom doors are closed. We cannot see what you are up to. So, no need to worry too much about your image or our perception of your image.
For those trying out an adult novelty toy for the first time whilst getting the ultimate pleasurable experience and avoid getting STIs there are rules to using them, fortunately, it’s not a free-for-all.
- Check the product: Before inserting anything anywhere it is important that you check for imperfections such as rough seams, cracks or tears – not advisable to use cheaply manufactured adult novelty toys;
- Lubricants: Always use a lubricant when using an adult novelty toy. A water based one is always the best.
- Dental dams and condoms: Now, if for any reason you have found yourself in a situation in which you have to share your toys, always remember the first rule of thumb. Everything should have a condom on it, butt plugs, vibrators, etc. If switching toy to a different person, you have to change the condom or dental dam, every time. No need going for a pleasurable experience and leaving with an STI. Remember soap alone is not effective for removing STI bacteria or viruses from the toy.
- Insertion: Do not insert a adult novelty toy in the mouth or vagina if it has been used in the anus without a condom or without being washed properly. This could spread bacteria and viruses tha cause infections in the urinary tract (for females) or intestines. If a condom was used with a sex toy, replace the condom with a new one before inserting the toy in the mouth or vagina.
- Trust: If it hurts, stop! If you are using adult novelty toys with a partner, earn trust with one another. If you want to try again, relax and add extra lubrication to succeed.
Contact Madame Butterfly
Intimate Pleasures Desires of the Heart www.myintimatepleasureshop.com
Check out the Facebook Page: Naija Desires
Tel: +234 818 480 8686
BB pin: 75067840
First published on the Intimate Pleasures Desires site.
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