When I Grow Up

By Thando Fuze / @Thando_Fuze

When I grow up
I want to be…me.
Soul shaken, dancing to Sunday afternoon jazz, pride screaming in the dark corners of my strength yelling to get out with love, the size of a colour spectrum seeping through my childhood scars.

When I grow up,
Stars will be my lucky charms.
Every night will be mine so I can get lost in the beauty of her silhouette and love the ultraviolet on her smile and how it says, “Forever”, like nothing else ever could.

When I grow up,
I’ll learn that love is a ticking time bomb set to go off in a split second depending on who you’re dating.
Where same sex love is a tragedy contained in two hearts that shouldn’t beat in-sync.
A ticking time bomb set to go off in a split second bursting into a thousand grey shards of misconceptions.
gay-is-a-sinA condemned section of the holy trail where outcasts burn.
I’ll learn, that I was born from the fires lit on bodies set alight for just being, a resurrection of a love suffocating in closets gasping for acceptance.
I’ll learn, that there are people living in death, torn from birth for what they would grow up to be, curses of the new age reality choking on sinful lust and hate.
I’ll learn that Adam sort of misplaced his rib and found it between silky red sheets where Steve lays waiting for Prince Charming.

When I grow up,
I’ll learn that sometimes, love is a censored happiness that bellows in tight chests like treasure
A secret that closes the spaces between ones fingers and completes them with pleasure
An uncomfortable twitch jolting the sleeping hate in heterosexual beasts who think sexuality is a choice
A slot machine where you shove a dick and select change by corrective rape.
Sometimes, it’s a bashing pain of derogatory names fitted like gloves on ones palms bleeding the gay off their pores.

When I grow up,
I’ll know that actually,
Love knows no gender and ties itself where God dwells;
That genitals are the chapels housing our innocence.
Love, is a mutual state of being.
A happiness spilled like the oceans on beds that are unisex.
A cure to crippled souls from all the lies keeping our spines straight filling the empty shells we’ve become.

When I grow up
I hope everyone else will too.

For more on coming out check out Things I Wish I Had Told You Before I Came Out, Sexual Health for WSW in Nigeria and Coming Out to My Doctor and Dont Call Me Pretty A Stem Coming Out Party.

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