Finding My First Love After 15 years of Marriage

By Muhle

I always thought that a love full of excitement, fulfilment and joy was only in the movies. This was after I had been in a 15 year relationship with my now ex-husband.

When I met her everything changed.

See, I was struggling with these feelings of attraction to the same-sex. I was brought up in a staunch Christian path, I prayed endlessly for these feelings to go away, but that never happened.

Meeting this young beautiful woman changed my world. All my defences fell down and I couldn’t hide anymore. I felt like doing things I have never done before.

See, I had never been in a same-sex relationship before, therefore I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to wait for her to come to me or just tell her how I feel.

Summoning up the courage, I poured out my heart to her and that was the beginning of a different, fulfilling and a happier me.

I yearned to see her face every day and would drive a round trip of 500 kilometers a day just to spend a couple of hours with her.

I had never been so happy.

As young as she was, she taught me so many things about my body, what it means to love and be loved. Even though I had been in a relationship with my ex-husband since my school days, it felt like this was my first relationship- my first love. I couldn’t stay in my marriage any longer. I wanted to be free and to love freely.

My family and in-laws thought I was possessed by the ‘evil one’. ‘How can a makoti (young bride in Xhosa) do something like this to a good man?’  During family gatherings, I would endure disdain.

But all the stresses and grief would melt away in the arms of my first love.

This woman taught me love is possible, fun, not selfish and does not seek to dominate.

For more coming out stories have a read of the Things I Wish I Had Told You Before I Came Out, Sexual Health for WSW in Nigeria and Coming Out to My Doctor and Don’t Call Me Pretty A Stem Coming Out Party.

There are is even a short story called The Children Who Started The Fire you should read.

Submit your writing, photos or anything else to HOLAA! email: holaafricaonline@gmail.com

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7 comments

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What a lovely story. So glad you found your love. Hope you are very VERY happy for many many many many many many years to come!

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M happy 4 u dear.

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Beautiful story, i wish i could read some more

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[…] Posted on 28/03/2013 […]

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[…] here, marriage is the shit. I forget now who said this but the average Nigerian’s attitude to marriage is that , “no […]

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amazing how true love knows no age…all the best

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[…] means that the only acceptable arena for women to explore their sexuality is within the confines of a marriage. Thus if women want to explore their sexuality and exercise sexual agency, they first need to […]

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