Abused By My Own

By Siya Mcuta

I go to bed everyday wondering
I cry myself to sleep as I don’t belong
Floating. Yes, floating is the word
I do not belong here and there.
Introductions are made and I mention
I am a mother, a sister, a lover and a daughter,
I see confused faces some come to me and ask,
‘Then if you are a lesbian how did you become a mother?’

As if lesbians are suppose to be infertile.
I see judgments in their faces as if I betrayed the world.
Now the question is ‘do they deserve my answer?’
Is my becoming a mother while I’m a lesbian such a sin?
Do they know my story or should I write it from their views?
Am I paying for my past right now or should I start calling my child?
My brother so that no one will ever call me a ‘traitor’ nor ‘confused ‘
What about this precious life that I brought into this world
I am denied as woman, denied as a person, denied as a lesbian
These are my own words.
This is my life, my story I have a right to write it my way
I belong, I love and I’m human too.
Your definition of me is not the right one.


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