What ‘team’ do I play for? Doesn’t matter. I play to win.

By Kagure

‘A dude can do more than she can. A dude can give you head plus the real thing a female can give you head and a dildo only you see that’s a limitation. don’t you think the other team does not offer much as our team. We don’t want to lose a beautiful woman to the other team?’

Confessions of a male love machine via Facebook Inbox.

My loins are gushing.

Not really.

Other team?

What are we? The Premier League of sexuality?
(See what I did there with that very smooth football reference?)

It seems that sexuality is a game. With people coming and going…in order to come then…go.

Truth be told it would seem like most people just wants a good time.

The key here is figuring out not what ‘team’ your playing for…but what sport your playing.

Men and women?…

…Two different ball games.

A dildo is not the same as a penis. Think of them as distant cousins. Like rugby and football.
And fingers

…sorry zoned out there.

The problem comes one starts comparing when trying to understand sexuality. Then you start to go back and forth. (Another sports reference…I am on FIRE here.)

Everyone has their strengths. Yes there is a great deal of truth in the fact that women can get into other women’s sexual mind better.

There are all the basic arguments.

‘Men are better’. ‘Women know what other women want’. ‘Men have the strength and the whole ‘power’ thing’. ‘Women understand and have the soft touch and caress’. ‘Men have THE PENIS’. ‘Women actually know what to do with fingers which can reach places that time forgot about’. ‘With men they know how to ‘hit it right’. ‘Women understand that penetration isn’t the be all end all of sex’.  ‘Men get the job done’. ‘Women take their time’. ‘Society says men are the pinnacle of sex and sexual pleasure’. ‘Straight women complain about not having orgasms…’


Granted that last one does knock all other arguments out of the water but for the sake of flow we shall pretend it doesn’t.

Push and pull…

Back and forth…

Apples and potatoes…

Sausage and sushi.

But in all this we forget the most important thing.
Women are not identical.

Therefore by virtue of being a man means one can assume you have limited insight into being with a woman. The same goes for women as well. Being one does not automatically mean you know what all women want in bed.

This lack of insight is bringing down both ‘teams’. Men have refused to acknowledge that their chosen ‘opponents’ may be the underdogs in society but they have serious ball skills. Without the balls. Straight men refuse to acknowledge that there are women out there who are so good in bed they could bottle the orgasms they give, call it ‘eau de insane pleasure’ and sell it for the (very reasonable) price $100 for 15oz.

On the OTHER hand ‘lesbians-united’ need not think that because they were born female they were born with automatic ‘ill-skillz’. Ladies, even the greatest sports persons had to learn the rules to the game before they became ‘the greats’. Drogba had to learn the offside rule just like everyone else. Women need to not think they have things locked down just because my sexual organs match yours.
So really we must all just take a minute and figure out what our partners want. Whether you‘re a man or woman is irrelevant. Pleasure for women comes in all shapes and sizes. There is no one size fits all.

Shoot, one size fits all doesn’t even apply to clothing most of the time.

I read something that is very true. We aren’t born knowing how to have sex. Like any great skill it must be nurtured and cultivated. Pupils eventually become masters. Novices become connoisseurs.

Virgins become a little slutty.

Too far?
In the end you can’t compare the two legitimately. Some people will enjoy one sport more than other. Some will be better at one that the other. Some people have been playing the wrong sport for years.

Playing it because it was the sport they were told they were supposed to play.

And some should quit sports all together and take up knitting.
But that’s another story.

Whatever game you play though play it to win. Play it like the stadium is packed out with fans wearing you colours screaming your name.  Don’t mind how teams in other sports are playing. If you get a chance to go pro, play your heart out. Make sure you have your fans…screaming. Or at least moaning loudly.

(Yes this piece was an extended sporting metaphor)

For more stories on sexuality check out Queer by not Always here: Problems of Pansexuality and Ten Confessions of a Demisexual and this one about manoeuvring the marriage scene as a queer woman in Nigeria.

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